Tag Archives | McCarthy

So it’s Victim Mom vs Warrior Mom now? Here is some perspective

 

Jenny Mccarthy Victim

Sending all the wrong messages

Jenny McCarthy, more famous in the autism community for her on again/off again autistic son and her war on vaccines than her actual acting career, has made some very bold statements during the latest Autism One conference where she likened some moms to choosing to be victims and enjoying the “oh woe is me” victim role.

For some light reading on the subject:

Jenny McCarthy: Autism Moms “Fall in the the victim role…and they are loving it”
Words Matter
A letter to @JennyMcCarthy

There are a lot more posts and articles out there but I don’t want to list every single blog/article in the autism community because everyone has written about this.

I was going to let this go by as just something silly, nonsensical or, more or less, stupid.

But, upon thinking about it more today, I’ve come to the conclusion that I should say something. Something that I feel is imortant.

Perspective

To recount what it was that she said, I’m going to borrow from the Left Brain/Right Brain post (the first article I listed above):

As we continued to talk about alternative treatments for our children, I noticed the room separating into two sides. We were no longer talking as a whole anymore. There was a group of moms who didn’t want anything to do with what we were talking about. They slumped into a corner and had a “woe is me” attitude. I decided to eavesdrop on both conversations.

The “woe is me” moms were talking about how they didn’t get to shop or go to the beach with their friends anymore, and the “I’ll try anything if it will help my kid recover” moms were trading success stories about the latest treatments.

And, later…

“My other theory was that they enjoyed the victim role. I know that might sound mean, but I’m sure you’ve met people who are constantly having shit go wrong in their life. They complain and play the “don’t you feel sorry for me” game.

Now, for the most part, the autism community got up in arms over this in one of two ways… either being offended as she had called them victims, or defending her as they felt that she was making a great point.

My stance is, it’s all a matter of perspective. Now, hear me out.

This is just an example, but where’s the dads? How come it’s only moms who get a label? If anyone should be offended, it’s us dads that work every bit as hard as the victims and warriors combined and we’re forgotten about completely.

See? Perspective.

Anyway, more to the point, I’d like to offer a few alternative perspectives.

The two groups

The two groups that she alludes to were contained within one larger group of moms discussing alternative treatments. I can only assume, and this is just me, that if not all, then most of those moms were in the anti-vaccine camp… believing that vaccines, or other toxins, had caused their child’s autism in the first place.

This already excludes a lot of moms in the autism community. The majority I’d say, since most autism moms do not believe the vaccine theory. This means that she’s casting a divide within an already divided group.

So to put it mathematically, in hypothesis only and my numbers will be way off, if the split is 75/25 for moms who don’t believe the vaccine theory and those who do… then she’s dividing up the 25 into two groups. If 50/50 then it would be 13/12 or something like that.

It’s still very wrong to label those moms and cast judgement, I’m just saying that maybe she’s not talking about the moms that you think she’s talking about. You know, the moms that have no qualms with the toxins of the world.

The Accepting Mom

The prevalent perspective is that Ms. McCarthy is talking about moms that have come to accept their child as they are.. with or without autism. That those moms do not seek out chelation or force feed their children bleach and therefore would rather just be the victim.

If this is the perspective of choice, then you must realize that it’s how she sees things. It’s her own perspective.

I realize that this won’t be popular among those who like Jenny McCarthy or feel how she feels but remember, this is only to illustrate a different perspective.

See, she may consider a mom that does not try things like giving their child a bleach enema as just playing the victim but I tend to think of that mom as simply having common sense enough to not try something obviously dangerous, and stupid.

She may consider a mom that accepts their child for who they are as enjoying the victim role so much that they give up rather than try tons of pointless and costly treatments but I tend to think that not seeing their children as damaged goods in the first place, and having unconditional love trumps all titles that one can fling at them.

She may consider a mom that talks about her struggles in raising a child with autism as a person that basks in the feeling of being the helpless victim but I tend to see that mom as someone that I can relate to, get advice from, share experiences with and understand.

She may see a “warrior mom” as a woman that battles “big pharma” and government agencies. That’s fine. To me, when I see a mom crying about how the evil empires broke their child, how much money they spend on treatments that put their children in danger because they are so desperate to cure them… that’s when I see a victim. In fact, I hear it in their chants: “big pharma is making money while making our children sick. We’re the victims!”

She may see a mother that never stops fighting for their child as a warrior mom but I tend to think that ALL MOTHERS NEVER STOP FIGHTING FOR THEIR CHILD. If they do… they’re not really their mother. Moms do not give up. Period.

She may see compassion, positivity, acceptance, understanding and love as being the victim. Then I say, please call me a victim too.

If seeing my child as perfect makes me a victim and seeing my child as broken, in need of being cured from the damage done by evil doctors makes me a warrior… I’ll take the victim title, thank you.

That’s just my perspective. And opinions are born out of perspectives. They do not make them fact.

Her opinions, based on her perspective, should remain her own.

She’s entitled to them.

As I am entitled to mine.

Signed,

Victim and proud.

Comments { 15 }

Jenny McCarthy announces that she will pose nude in Playboy again “for autism”

jenny mccarthy playboy

First of all, I thought I’d put “for autism” in quotes in the title for one simple reason… she’s not doing it for autism.

You can read the news stories here

Jenny McCarthy is head of Generation Rescue, a charity that claims to fight on behalf of children, specifically children with autism and even more specifically than that, according to them, children that have been harmed by vaccines.

That’s all well and good, I can argue those points another time.

The fact is though, by focusing a cause on children, and then making efforts to raise awareness of those children… fighting for those children… she might as well have said that she’s posing nude for children.

See how wrong that sounds? No one goes nude in order to support children.. or their families. No one goes nude to support ANYTHING other than their own selfish, attention grabbing, publicity seeking stardom.

She’s not doing this for my child. She’s certainly not doing it for your child.

And don’t tell me she’s doing it to raise awareness because I think most Playboy readers gawkers have heard of autism already.

Oh, and the $2,000,000 she agreed to do it for? That goes towards autism in some form or another so it’s all good, right?

In the very second sentence of this post, I said that she’s the head of Generation Rescue… a charity. So think about it for a second.. who exactly is that $2,000,000 going to?

Sure, you could say it’s not in her name exactly, but I’m sure if it was Donald Trump funneling money to his own endeavours rather than to the cause he claims to support… one might have a different opinion.

Even still, even if every last cent does trickle down to the children in some way, it’s still not going to my child or anyone else’s child who doesn’t believe that it was vaccines that caused their child’s autism.

And that leaves out a LOT of children with autism. A LOT.

So again, she’s not doing it for autism.

She’s making a mockery of real causes and real issues.

She obviously isn’t making enough (publicity) out of her shameless self promotion of her books and so she’s doing this.. not for autism, but for herself. And only herself.

She’s in the news today. She’ll be in the news when the pictures come out. She’ll get herself onto the talk shows to talk about it. She’ll sell some more books.

My child will still be sitting on the couch playing Mario.

Great job Ms Opportunist… err… McCarthy.

For the record, to be as clear as I can… I do NOT support this idea, I do NOT feel it represents me or my child at all and I most certainly do NOT think she is representing the community.

This is disgusting. Not because she gets nude for money but because she does it in the name of autism.

For more on my research into Jenny McCarthy, read: The Jenny McCarthy-Autism paradox

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The Jenny McCarthy-Autism paradox

Jenny McCarthy Autism

Perhaps I titled this article wrong… paradox should be plural.

If you’re an avid Jenny McCarthy fan and have some very strong beliefs in certain things, this may upset you but I still ask that you read with an open mind.

1998

Wakefield releases a study stating ties between the MMR vaccine and Autism… not stating exactly that one causes the other, or that you should stop taking vaccines… but that’s the message that the public receives. The media doesn’t help much nor does Wakefield in subsequent interviews.

1999

Thimerosal is removed from almost all vaccines in the US, except for some flu vaccines.

As a side note… Thimerosal was never in the MMR vaccine.

May 18th 2002

Jenny McCarthy’s son, Evan, is born.

2005

Evan, 2, begins having seizures so severe that he’s repeatedly rushed to hospital emergency. - http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1968100-2,00.html

Evan is diagnosed with Autism at the age of 2.

Remember, Evan was 2 in 2005 until May.

2006

Jenny writes about her “crystal child” in Insights of an Indigo Mom: A Mother’s Awakening… in which she writes about chain smoking and cheeseburgers up until his birth at which point she changed to Hepa air filters and eating vegetarian.

I wonder why she never blamed the chain smoking and cheeseburgers… also, one would wonder why she’d write about Cystal/Indigo stories if he was diagnosed with Autism 

2007

Jenny changes her story in May, saying that he’s not really a “crystal child”, he’s actually Autistic. - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jenny_McCarthy#Activism_and_autism_controversy

She claimed that the MMR vaccine specifically caused his Autism… and began campaigns against Thimerosal despite the fact that it never contained Thimerosal and he was born several years after Thimerosal was removed from most vaccines.

Jenny goes on a book writing spree over the next several years, publishing several books on motherhood as well as “healing Autism”.

2008

Jenny begins her crusade against Autism, becoming a spokesperson for Generation Rescue and TACA and appearing on several radio and television programs, including Oprah. Each appearance includes endorsements for her books.

Jenny also claims that Evan has “recovered”… which isn’t the same as cured. But it doesn’t stop the media from using that word a lot in articles about her and her son.

Jenny and Jim Carrey begin a “march on Washington” to “green our vaccines”. When interviewed, Jenny claims that Evan was “undiagnosed with Autism”.
Jenny also reinforces that she is not anti-vaccine but rather for safer vaccines and spaced out schedule. An excerpt:

Don’t do more than one shot in a visit. Do you see what I’m saying? Not to not vaccinate. Space them out, ask for mercury-free. Make sure your child is not sick before you vaccinate. Your child does not have a good immune system. How is it supposed to detox the vaccine? Test your child for an immune system. Make sure they have really good glutothion. Glutothion is your body’s naturally antioxidant to detox these things.

2010

Doctors and scientists start to question McCarthy and the diagnosis that her son received, claiming that his symptoms more closely resemble Landau-Kleffner syndrome… very similar to Autism but treatable. – source http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1968100-2,00.html

Despite the possibility that he never had Autism to begin with, Jenny confirms that she’ll continue to “be the voice” for the disorder. She also begins to realize that it wasn’t really the MMR vaccine after all, stating that she just wants vaccines to be safer, rather than getting rid of them entirely.

2011

Jenny joins the Generation Rescue board in January.

Jenny speaks out in support of Wakefield, claiming “I know children regress after vaccination because it happened to my own son” and asking “Why have only 2 of the 36 shots our kids receive been looked at for their relationship to autism?”

One would wonder why there’s any need to check the other vaccines if she’s so certain it’s the MMR.

Jenny continues onward, claiming that “kids do recover from Autism” as her son did, with a gf/cf diet and vitamins. Previous articles went into more details of his treatments including “a gluten-free, casein-free diet, vitamin supplementation, detox of metals, and anti-fungals for yeast overgrowth that plagued his intestines. ”

What can we take from all of this?

Well, first, we have the fact that the blame she has shifts radically from Thimerosal (ethyl-mercury) to the MMR vaccine itself to the vaccine schedule (multiple vaccines at one time) to simply vaccines in general, asking for more research.

Secondly, she seems very conflicted about what exactly her child may actually have. First there’s crystal child/indigo mom theories, then it’s Autism and now there’s questions of Landau-Kleffner syndrome which, from what I can tell in my research, she has never actually explored.

Third, almost everything she gets involved with seems to have a heavy self promotional feel to it. Many praise her for getting into the spotlight for Autism awareness but at the same time, there are many people who believe she does it simply to get herself into the spotlight. Most notably when she recently offered to pose nude once again for Autism awareness reasons.

Finally, and this is a big one… she has become the leader of the anti-vaccine movement despite the fact that she never once said she is anti-vaccine herself…. and in fact, professed many times to wanting more research, safer schedules and “greener” vaccines.

Much like Wakefield, who had his own patent for a vaccine as partial replacement of the MMR vaccine (who would patent a vaccine if he was anti-vaccine?!?), her concerns over vaccine safety lead to hysteria and paranoia among parents who now place their children at much greater risk than they ever were before.

In my opinion

Seriously, as others have said before… stop listening to a Playboy bunny/actress for medical advice. That’s not to say that she’s not allowed to have an opinion. She is… but she’s doing the same research you are. She’s not a doctor nor a researcher.  She’s a mom just like every other mom and her opinion holds the same weight.

Also, stop putting words in her mouth that she didn’t even say. She never said she was anti-vaccine and she never told you to not vaccinate. Don’t tell me she did. Whether you hate me right now for writing all this or not, don’t assume I haven’t researched this. I have. I know she’s “pro-safety” and not “anti-vaccine.”

Lastly, and this is just my opinion… people of high influence, such as celebrities, should be very very careful about what they randomly put out there. These are our children and unless you are absolutely certain (and when it comes to vaccines, no matter what you think you know, you are NOT absolutely certain), you should not be putting fears and doubts and unproven concerns into the minds of people that could put themselves and their children at risk.

The point is, there is a chance that what you *think you know* may be wrong. There is an even bigger chance that the way people interpret what you say may be wrong.

The one clear message through this entire post, that I’d like for you to take from this is, Wakefield and McCarthy are not anti-vaccine!!!

Despite them both saying that they are for safer vaccines, they have not made it abundantly clear that they are not anti-vaccine.

Wakefield needs to stop putting out articles on studies, McCarthy needs to stop putting out articles on recovery and her own story.

What they need to do (if they insist on continuing) is write articles and do interviews that consist of nothing except them telling parents “Vaccinate your children! Do not withhold vaccinations. Vaccines save lives!” They need to explain their stance, clearly and definitively. If they are pro-safety and not anti-vaccine… then why are anti-vaccine activists praising their work?

If they have no intentions of making this clear, then they should no longer be in the media, in my opinion. Because the message they think they are sending is not the message that some parents are receiving.

This is the Jenny McCarthy paradox as I see it. On one hand, I respect her work to raise awareness. On the other hand, I despise the self promotion and her willingness to let parents continue to be anti-vaccine in her name.

Is it any wonder that people’s opinions of her are so conflicting?

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The “Which Would You Rather” Game Is a Very Dangerous Game Indeed

Probably the most prominent example, and the one to start it all off, is Jenny McCarthy’s interview where she says (and I paraphrase as best I can) “Would I rather my son have measles instead of Autism? yes, in a heart beat”.

Granted, measles doesn’t sound so bad so I’d have to agree with her, I think I’d rather my boy be sick for a while, help him get through it for a little while and then go on with his life, instead of having Autism for life.

However, that’s just one of many diseases and viruses that are held back by vaccines…  mumps and rubella aren’t really all that bad either, can be fatal but very rarely. Chances are my boy would just be sick for a while.

What gets me though, is that, in the interview, no one asks her if she’d rather have her child be disfigured or paralysed from polio, no one ever asks her if she’d rather kill someone else’s baby with whooping cough than risk her child having Autism.

Sounds a little harsh, but if you look to California, it’s happening! An outbreak of pertussis (whooping cough) is happening right now, today, and it’s killing babies. Why?

Here’s the thing, some parents are convinced, absolutely and completely, that vaccines are causing Autism in children, and therefore are not taking the risk.

Let’s take a look at that risk for a moment, because I think this is where the system breaks down.

If a parent does not vaccinate their child, that child can contract a preventable illness such as whooping cough, and then come into contact with a baby sibling or some other baby, pass along the illness before that baby even has a chance at getting their vaccination and that child could die.

Meanwhile, there’s no guarantee that their child won’t already have Autism despite not being vaccinated! Recently a woman commented on another of my posts about how one mother did not vaccinate, another did, both of their children are Autistic.

This isn’t a debate about whether or not vaccines do cause Autism, it’s about the risk. Taking a risk, avoiding a risk, choosing which risk to take.

Let me put it this way, if you “don’t take the chance” by not vaccinating your child, and he/she turns out to be Autistic anyway AND comes home to infect your newborn baby and that baby dies… not only did you not avoid the risk, you took the ultimate risk and lost both times!

Some of you die hards will say that would never happen but, it can happen. We are seeing it right now. Unvaccinated children are Autistic. Unvaccinated children are dying from preventable diseases!!

The “Which Would You Rather” game is not a game, it’s very…. VERY dangerous.

I understand how watching your child be ‘vaccine injured’ can set you on a path, set you on a mission… however, I can also see how a much bigger tragedy can come of it if not careful. If your child regressing into Autism affected you this much, how much would it affect you if your child got Autism and a baby died at the same time, all because you didn’t vaccinate.

Would you still feel the same? Would your mission be different?

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