Tag Archives | bullying

The day ‘hackers’ told 6 year old autistic children that they should ‘kill yourself’

For those of you who don’t know me, I started Autcraft, a Minecraft server just for children (and adults) with autism where they can play the game safely, free from the bullying that they found on other servers. Up until April 6th, 2016, I had done a pretty good job of that. But first, let’s go back to 2013.

In June 2013, I started the server and told a few hundred people… 2 days later, I had 750 emails in my inbox. Word had spread like wildfire. Why? Because there were far more kids being bullied than I had realized.

About 3 weeks after launching the server, I got word from hackers and trolls that their fellow hackers and trolls were targeting the server. Three weeks. That’s all it took. And the server has been under constant attack ever since. I’ve never told anyone that until now.

In part of my job of keeping these children safe, I keep this information from them. It hurts to know that there are people in the world targeting them around the clock, around the year, simply because they exist… simply because they have autism, something they never chose for themselves, something they can’t possibly do anything about. In fact, I struggled for a little while in deciding whether or not to even write about this… but here I am.

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On April 6th, 2016, two people attempted to hack into the Autcraft server and failed.

What they did succeed in doing, however, was to hijack our IP address, effectively redirecting all the traffic from our server to a server of their own.

The children that signed on to play, some as young as 6 years old, signed on to their server instead of mine. Once there, they were encased in a bedrock box from which they could not leave and were told that they were rejects from society, degenerates and that they should kill themselves.

When I asked these guys why they’d do such a thing, they responded “it’s funny.

They told us that we’d never figure out what they had done or how to stop it and that they’d continue doing it unless we paid them $1000.

Less than an hour later, with the help of the incredible guys at EZP Hosting, we had regained control of our IP and moved the server to another location. The good news is that only a few of the children ever came into contact with these monsters. The bad news is that a few of the kids came into contact with these monsters.

Having failed that, they turned to a DDOS attack, attempting to make Autcraft unplayable for everyone because if they couldn’t tell the children to kill themselves directly, then they’d at least try to take everything away from them that they could.

This attack was quite massive in scale and was maintained for almost two weeks straight. Luckily, again, we were able to outsmart them and find ways to get around their attacks and the children played on, completely unaware that anything was even happening.

I wish I could say that these were the only people who’d do such a thing but they’re not… not by a long shot.

This is the reality for a child and even for an adult living with autism.

Monsters lurk in the shadows of the Internet, ashamed and afraid to show their face but all to willing to tell perfectly innocent little children that they are rejects and should kill themselves.

Now my hosting costs have gone up, having added in new anti-DDOS measures, more services, better protection. Every time these things happen, the amount of work and the amount of bills goes up, all in an effort just to play a game in safety, like everyone else takes for granted.

For the record, I got the guy’s home IP address and gave it to the police… they will do nothing.

I got the guy’s IP address and username and gave it to Mojang… they will do nothing.

We are left with no choice but to continue to hide away as many autistic children on my server as we can, where they’ll be safe… or at least, as safe as I can make it… and why?

Because the monsters are still out there and no one will do anything about it.

People still ask me why I created Autcraft. This is why.


If you’d like to contribute and support Autcraft, please become a Patron at https://www.patreon.com/autismfather?ty=h or donate directly at http://donate.autcraft.com

Thank you.

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What the BBC failed to mention in their “Minecraft can help children with autism” story

The BBC has released a news story that says that Minecraft can help children with autism. This is wonderful news as it’s something that I’ve not only said for years but have actually proven thousands of times over with my Autcraft server. I’ve been very eager for the rest of the autism community and science to catch up.

It’s incredible watching a child visit us for the first time, type randomness into chat, spam, use all capital letters, get very upset over and over again and demand that everyone give them everything… and then to see them transition over time into a polite and articulate young player that is eager to share, help other new players and even remind other players not to spam or type in “all caps.” I see this happen with children over and over again. Their spelling improves, their creativity improves and most of all, their social abilities improve to the point where they’re not just making friends on the server but at school now too.

Minecraft itself offers many benefits even without the social play. In single player mode where you play by yourself, you still have the opportunity to expand your creativity, your artistic prowess and even to some extent, your social strengths as you take what you learn with you elsewhere and find other people that share the game and start up a conversation. Kids even get hooked on Minecraft videos on YouTube where they can see others playing together and learn more there.

There is, however, one real danger which the BBC article never addresses.

Children with autism, like all other children, will eventually want to play Minecraft with other children. It’s only natural. However, unlike other children, they’re going to struggle with communication skills, social cues and most of all, emotional control. When a child ventures out to a random Minecraft server and is killed, or their base is destroyed or someone says something mean to them, it can be heart breaking. For a child with autism, it can be emotionally devastating. Rage ensues, self confidence is destroyed and depression sets in. And it can happen in the blink of an eye.

AutismFather AutcraftWhen I started Autcraft in 2013, it was done so in response to hundreds of parents seeking each other out in hopes that their autistic children could play together because they were at a loss as to how to help their children from being bullied on every server they tried to play on. Unmonitored servers run rampant with bullies, trolls and griefers. Any child that stands out as simply being different becomes the ultimate target for hate. This can be devastating for any child and much more so for a child with autism as they feel like they were cheated in life, they are cursed and worse… that they should just die.

In fact, I’ve heard from some parents that their children, some as young as 6 or 7, have been told by bullies on Minecraft servers that their parents never wanted a kid with autism and so, if they love their parents, they should just kill themselves. They tell these children that they’re dragging down the rest of the human race and if they really wanted to do something useful, they should just commit suicide. Can you imagine someone telling a 6 year old child something like this?

The BBC article is bright and cheery and encouraging to so many parents, especially those that saw Minecraft as just an obsession or an annoyance and I’m not trying to shatter that feeling, honest. I will always be the first and loudest to sing the praises of Minecraft and it’s benefits on kids with autism but I will also always do so with a word of caution… safety is the key.

Your child must play in a safe environment otherwise the benefits of the game will quickly be replaced with the perils of bullying and hate. If you are going to let your autistic children play Minecraft with others, than consider the following:

  • Play on an autism friendly server, preferably one run by an autism organization or someone with autism themselves.
  • Play with your children. Be involved. Buy a second account and play on a second computer and join in. If you aren’t teaching your children proper behavior online then someone else is.
  • Enforce frequent breaks to ensure that emotions don’t build up over time and if emotions do build up, encourage breaks to calm down. Rage at the keyboard only ensures that the other players will single you out as a target from that point on.
  • Moderation above all else. Even the nicest players that are on 20 hours a day can start to become aggravated more easily and others can become more aggravated with you more easily as well if you’re always there. Plus, no one should be on that much. Minecraft is great but only when combined with other activities, like playing outside.
  • Set goals before playing. Start with solo goals such as finding X amount of diamonds or iron. Finding X amount of biomes. Getting a barn built. Things like that. As you branch out more, set more social goals such as saying “Hi” to at least 5 players or sharing your items at least once with some other player. Give your child something to focus on doing that they can then continue to do after without thinking about it.

On Autcraft, we always encourage the parents/guardians to play along with their children. We often set up community events and encourage group activities. We do not tolerate bullying or swearing or rudeness of any kind but we don’t just ban a person for it either. We take the time to explain to them what was wrong about what they did and how that could affect others and what they could do better.  Not many servers do these things.

What I’m trying to say is, not all Minecraft servers are made equal. If you just throw your hands up and say “I don’t get it”,  then your child is left to try to get it on their own and I would rather help you now than have them join my server later and end up talking to them for hours about how they wish to commit suicide due to the bullying. And believe me, I’ve done that a lot already with so many kids already.

When I started Autcraft in 2013, it was done so in response to hundreds of parents… within 48 hours, I received over 750 emails. 2 years later, we have approximately 6000 names on our list. That’s how bad the bullying is. That’s how very real the dangers are.

If you would like to support the Autcraft server, please visit our Patreon page where you can not only help us but also help those thousands of children by ensuring that they continue to have a safe place to play: https://www.patreon.com/autismfather

Have fun with Minecraft and the learning and growing and progress will come. But only so long as it stays fun.

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How I went from a very shy and private autistic to a very outspoken and public autistic

Something truly bizarre happened last night. While on the phone with my mother, I found myself saying the following:

“So today I was in a news article on the largest news site in Australia, my book publisher emailed me to say ‘You must be busier than ever! Take all the time you need.’, a television show producer asked me to be on her show and an expo convention asked me to exhibit at their convention this fall.”

How did this happen? What’s happened to me?

hide computerI am a guy with Aspergers, I have two sons, one with autism and one without. I work from home, I like to go to the little neighborhood park across the street and I love to play video games, especially when I can do these things with my kids. I have less than no money, I have lots of stress and I’m over weight. I’m like the peace and quiet, I’m very awkward around other people and would gladly not talk to anyone at all if given that as an option.

Two years ago, I started what I thought would be a quiet little Minecraft server with maybe a handful of people on it. My way of helping out some parents that were in search of other parents on social media so that their autistic children could play together in peace. I just wanted to help. No one had to know.

No one had to know.

It took less than an hour of telling those parents about it before I realized that this wasn’t going to be a quiet little peaceful Minecraft server. Less than 2 days later, I had over 750 emails requesting to join.

Still though, we continued along relatively quietly. Word of mouth spread like wildfire bringing us far more players than I ever dreamed imaginable but outside of the autism community, it was still very much our little hidden secret. Autism parents thanked me, told me how great it was… it was nice.

At the end of 2014, 1.5 years in, all of that changed. First BuzzFeed found us and then CHCH television. From the better part of December and January, I suddenly found myself in the middle of my “15 minutes of fame.” And it was scary.

I like to think I did alright, being on television and answering hours and hours of questions. But that was not me. That’s not why I started the server and it’s most certainly not anything I had ever dreamed of doing nor did I want to. I’m a quiet and shy guy. I like to keep to myself. I like to not draw attention to myself. I kept thinking… no one had to know.

So here we are, June 2015 and I find myself with a book publisher wanting me to write a book, television producers phoning me and conventions wanting me to make appearances. A shy, quiet, wanting to be at home on the couch with an X-Box controller dad with autism who wonders to himself… what ever happened to “no one has to know?”

So what happened?

Somewhere along the way I sort of snapped. I was exhausted and I had been talking to suicidal children on the server far too often and it hit me… the server has done better than anyone imagined but it did so due to how bad the bullying of autistic Minecraft players really is. I realized then that this wasn’t a story about success but rather a story about tragedy.

If my mission was to give those children with autism a safe place in the beginning, in that instant, it morphed into a mission to both make people aware and to put an end to the bullying.

I created “A Plea to the Minecraft Community” and have done so for two years in a row to help stop the bullying and I found myself pleading with the cameras and the microphones and the journalists to help me tell the world just how bad it really is.

I still didn’t like the spotlight, I still cringed every time the phone rang or I was asked to send them my Skype information but I did it anyway. I had to do it. It was me they wanted to talk to. They wanted to know what kind of person would start a server like that, devote the time like that, spend many sleepless nights talking to players like that… the story they wanted was as much about me as it was the actual server and I knew, deep down I knew that I haven’t made any sort of difference at all yet. They want to write about the difference the server makes? The difference I make? I want them to write about the difference I want them to help me make. I want them to write about the real problem.

What happened? I found a purpose. A reason to put my fears and shyness and my autistic tendencies aside and do it anyway because those kids (and some adults too) that I talk to on the server every day are worth it.

Last night, I discovered that I have another reason. One I’ve sort of known about all along but it never really hit me until right after I said that one very poignant sentence and more importantly, to whom I had said it.

I hang up my fears and desires to sit by myself and not answer the phone and I do it for my mother. As corny as that sounds. Growing up with autism and not knowing it, I struggled. I know I made her proud all the same but still, I struggled. It was hard for me and more often than not, and I mean, way more often, I felt like a failure. More so, I felt like I was letting her down. Her only son. What a let down I must have been.

So now I have a chance to make her proud. I have a chance to make a difference and I do so using all the wisdom and heart that she raised me with. I still struggle and I still feel like a failure a lot of times with no money and tons of stress but at the same time… book publishers are phoning me, television producers, journalists, convention organizers… me! I’m still just a dad, in his living room holding a video game controller in his hands, praying the phone doesn’t ring so that I won’t be forced to have to talk to someone.

And yet these people are phoning me and they’re phoning for all the right reasons. I’m not in the news because autistics have it hard or need services or are shut-ins… which I totally am. No, they want to hear about the wonderful things I’ve been doing all this time. All this time that I kept thinking ‘no one needs to know’.

Now I realize… the world does need to know. For those children that come to me for safety. Those children need to know. Their parents need to know. People need to know about them, how great they are and how unsafe they still are. How bad the bullying still is out there. The world needs to know.

And my mother, she needs to know. For all she’s done to raise me this way, to help me get this far and give me the tools to accomplish these things, I put aside my desires to say no to interviews and make myself do them. I want her to be a proud mother. I want her to be proud of her son. She deserves that much.

I know now what happened and even though I’ll likely never get used to it and always feel awkward about it, I now realize one thing… people need to know.

Given the right motivation, given the right reasons… a life time of being a struggling, shy and private autistic was thrown to the side and I found myself becoming a very outspoken and public autistic. A man with purpose. Given the right motivations, I believe any one else could do the same as well.

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This is what happens when the autism community asks the Minecraft community for help

For the second year in a row, I put out a plea to the Minecraft community to help me put a stop to the bullying that happens on Minecraft servers around the world but also bullying that happens anywhere and more specifically, how much more often it happens to those that have autism. For the second year in a row, the Minecraft community answered.

This year several people that make YouTube videos of themselves playing Minecraft made some heartfelt and powerful videos sharing their experiences and opinions, helping to support us in our mission. These people did this because they knew that these videos, as painful or awkward or difficult to make as they may be, will help at least one person somewhere and that makes it worth it.

I put some of those videos at the bottom of this post for you to watch.

On April 2nd, I decided to live stream (play Minecraft in a live video for others to watch and chat with me) in an attempt to get my message out and to explain why I was so passionate about this. My Minecraft server, Autcraft, was built specifically to give children with autism a safe place to play, free from bullying and hate. It’s a place that I wish never had to be made in the first place, and so I spoke out to what few viewers I had.

As hour followed hour, my viewership grew. More people came to watch me. I took a ten minute break for something to eat, fearing to take too long for I might lose those people. But they didn’t leave. The numbers continued to grow, as did the support.

I intended to stream for a few hours at most but more and more people came to watch me… to listen to me! And then, it happened… Arkas appeared in my live stream chat.

Now, I’m going to start mentioning a lot of names in this next part and you are forgiven if you don’t know who they are. They are people that play Minecraft on YouTube and in live streams of their own and have thousands, hundreds of thousands and even millions of people subscribed to watch them. They influence these people. When they speak, their viewers listen.

If you play Minecraft or have a child that plays Minecraft, some of these names may be familiar to you, if not, then just believe when I say that they are “celebrities” in the Minecraft world.

Arkas shared the link to my live stream on Twitter and appeared in my chat room to let me know that he supports me. Shortly after, he was followed by Docm77.  He too, shared the link on Twitter. Suddenly I had more viewers than I imagined I ever would have and they were in my chat room, talking with people and me and supporting me.. supporting the autism community that I represented.

Before I knew what was going on, I was adding them both to the server’s whitelist and they were there… on the server… with the children! Talking to them, taking screenshots together, giving those children on the server, autistic children, autistic adults and family, giving them the best day of their lives.

We had a wider audience, we were teaching so many people about bullying, autism and about how amazing people with autism can truly be!

But it didn’t stop there.

To my total amazement, another YouTuber then joined the server. Etho.

You need to understand that for me, Etho is the first that I had watched and quite literally taught me most of what I know about Minecraft and, without ever knowing it, gave me the know how and confidence to ever start a server of my own. But more so than that, he’s just as important to so many of the children on my server.

But what made his appearance truly amazing is that… that just does not happen. Etho is “illusive,” in fact, that’s what many people call him. He just does not “make appearances.” To show up on my server, with dozens and dozens of children that idolize him (some of the grown ups too)… that told me that what we were doing here truly was that special, it truly was that important. That’s when I knew that we were doing something amazing.

But wait, still not done!

Shortly after that, I was messaged by Keralis! Keralis (along with Arkas) are two of the best builders in all of Minecraft, in my opinion. He messaged me and said that he would come on too. Then another message… Xisuma Void! Xisuma Void passed along the message to the rest of the members of a server he helps to manage called HermitCraft and then suddenly I found myself in a chat room talking to a whole bunch of people that I’ve been watching for years! Biffa2001, ZombieCleo, Zuelgin and Sl1pg8r then joined the server too!

Here I was, this guy all by himself, asking the Minecraft community to help me. To help us. To speak up. All I wanted to do was help but somewhere, in the back of my mind, I thought… “what am I doing?” because I really didn’t think anyone would listen. That’s what I’m used to. I have autism myself and to be quite honest, I’m used to people not listening to me too.

But not in the Minecraft community. They listened. No, they didn’t just listen, they shared the message, they got behind it and amplified it. They didn’t just listen, they talked to me about it and helped me to reach so many people that I never would have reached on my own.

They were so very kind to me and to the kids on my server. They changed lives that day. Not just on the server but in their audiences, in my audience… in our communities and more.

This is what the Minecraft community is capable of and it’s amazing. I want to thank all the YouTubers that did this but I also want to thank the rest of the Minecraft community. I have received so many messages from so many people in YouTube comments, Twitch messages, tweets and so much more from people telling me what a great thing I’m doing and how they support me. When they support me, they support the autism community. When they support the autism community, they support these kids that need us so much.

That’s not to be taken lightly. So thank you Minecraft community, on behalf of myself, my server and the autism community.

These videos are from very kind people that have spoken out… the bottom 2 videos are from the live stream in which all of those YouTube celebrities came to visit Autcraft.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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A few things you might not know about autistics for Autism Awareness Day

Autism ExceptionalI have had the fortunate opportunity to be able to talk to a lot of children with autism, thousands. Many of those talks are about some very deep and heavy topics. But many of these topics are either not being discussed or not openly enough to where I have been able to come across them. I can only imagine that this means that people don’t know these things. So, for Autism Awareness Acceptance Day, allow me to share with you what I’ve learned.

More Likely to be Bullied

I’m starting out with something that most people likely do know. In fact, there have been studies done regarding this. While the study does include some of the factors for why people with autism are more likely to be bullied, most people still ask me why this could be, especially on a Minecraft server where you can’t really know that the other person has autism.

Well, you don’t have to know how a person is different to know that they are in fact different, and to a bully, being different is all it takes. Many children with autism (or any other diagnosis) will behave differently in a social setting than their ‘typical’ counterparts. Whether it be obsessing over something, not understanding innuendo or sarcasm, using words or phrases incorrectly or being easily prone to emotional outbursts such as excitement or anger. All it takes is one instance of being “weird” in the mind of a bully to make you a target.

To be a victim of bullying is to be a victim of abuse. Whether it’s physical (at school or in a playground) or emotional (online), the effects are damaging and can often do far more damage (trauma) than good (makes you stronger).

Likely to become a bully

Many of the children that come to my Minecraft server end up bullying others. They tell them what to do, they get angry when someone ignores them, they say the meanest thing possible when mad and even try to destroy other people’s builds when angry. Why?

One of the reasons this happens is, as I said, a child with autism may be prone to emotional outbursts. This means that something that may seem minor to you or me may mean the world to that child. Or, maybe it still doesn’t mean much to them but the ‘act’ was taken so personally that they felt very hurt by it. Often times the child will feel terrible after but in that moment, when that emotion hits, they lose control. This turns them into the bully that they hate and fear so much.

Another reason is that the bullying behaviour is all they’ve ever known and thus, how they think they should be. They spend almost their entire Internet experience being bullied everywhere they go and therefore, when they finally find a place that accepts them and allows them to play without judgment, they slowly revert to the behaviour they know… which is bullying. Even though they hated it, even though it’s the last thing they’d ever want to do… it’s all they know.

Finally, another reason may be that they’ve become so broken by the relentless judgments and bullying elsewhere that they have a hard time of letting go of their defensive posture. They’ve been attacked for so long that they see any minor disagreement or even accident as a personal attack on them. In most cases, they’ve had to fend for themselves and so even when they find a place where they can turn for help, whether it be my server or a school teacher or their own parents, they still feel that they’re alone. Much like a soldier returning from war, having to fight for so long, it’s hard to let that feeling go.

Explanations are necessary

Most children test their boundaries but at the same time, do as they’re told because you tell them to. There’s this relationship established automatically where you’re the adult, thus you have authority and the child must do as you say. If they do ask why, often a “because I said so” response will suffice.

With children that have autism, not always but is often the case, that authoritative relationship is not automatic and quite possibly may never exist. Instead, the child will understand that you make the rules but feel no obligation to follow those rules unless it can be explained to them why it’s a rule in the first place. There needs to be some reason for the rule that they will need to understand before they are to abide by it.

Instead of getting angry or trying to use force, take the time to explain why things are how they are.

More likely to seek friends

Most people in the world think that autistics are anti-social and would rather be alone all the time. While it’s true that many with autism find it difficult and even painful to socialize, that doesn’t mean they don’t desire it. From what I’ve observed, most children are weary of adding just anyone to Skype or friends lists, or at the very least, only choose those that they’ve already talked to.

Many children with autism, on the other hand, are so eager to make and have friends that they will seek out and add anyone that will be willing without taking safety or security into account. This often gets them into trouble.

Obviously this is not always the case as some are quite shy, scared or so extremely cautious that they’d never add anyone to anything but in general, as I’ve observed, the children with autism will go to much greater lengths to seek out new friends than other typical children. Their need to socialize and have a friend far outweighs the pain and struggle that the socializing causes them.

The greatest punishment that you can never give

Guilt is by far the worst thing that any child will ever experience as a consequence of their actions but when it comes to a child with autism, that guilt can last them and be in their thoughts for the rest of their life. I’m not talking about how people say you can regret something for the rest of your life, what I’m talking about goes much deeper. Those with autism can pull up the heaviest, darkest feeling of guilt from something 40+ years ago in an instant for no apparent reason and feel it as though it happened an hour ago. That even plays out in vivid detail over and over again with no indication of stopping.

If you see this in your child or someone you know, believe me when I say that no punishment you can give them to “teach them a lesson” will come anywhere close in comparison.

It’s in these moments when you need to be the voice of reason, the one to help them to not only absorb the lesson but to move beyond the guilt. Because if you don’t, it will linger with them forever.

If you can remove that fear, progress becomes exponential

There is really no substitute for a caring and well trained therapist, professional and of course, parent but even when in the company of these people, a child will feel nervous, anxious and even scared. Afraid to do or say something wrong or nervous about not being able to live up to expectations. A child may just shut down or at the very least, not retain what is being taught to them.

I found a way to take all of that away and to allow children to talk and play and do things together all without any fear or anxiety. And from that, the truly remarkable happened… progress!

No, I’m not saying professionals don’t help children make progress but I’m talking about massive progress, exponential progress on levels so absurd that the children are learning well beyond their years about things that no one is really even trying to teach them.

When you remove the fear of embarrassment, or teasing or bullying, a child will open up in ways that you could never imagine. They are free to indulge in what interests them without worrying that people will think it’s silly. They are free to meet other people that share those interests! They are more willing to take in and process what others say as their minds become more relaxed and accepting of new information.

These children become hungry for more, pushing themselves to better equip themselves so that they can become even more involved in the conversations around them, to know as much or more than their peers and to share what they’ve learned without fear of someone saying that it’s dumb, or they already know it or it’s not worth knowing. They take the next steps on their own, no need for a push.

If you want to see a child with autism learn faster than you can teach, find a way to remove the fear and self doubt. Easier said than done, but if we can do that, there’s no limit to how far they can go.

April 2nd is about far more than just diagnosis rate numbers

If you take anything away from this Autism Awareness Day or month, please understand this: many of the children in this world that have autism are extremely bright, they’re very capable human beings that are very caring and passionate people that can exceed all expectations if only they could live without fear. But instead, many of them are dying, taking their own lives at very early ages under the heavy weight and burden of constant abuse that we attempt to make sound not so bad by labelling it as bullying.

Instead of being frightened by the number of people being diagnosed with autism this year, you should really be concerned about the number of children that will kill themselves due to fear, bullying and abuse.

Those are the numbers that scare me most.

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