Tag Archives | mario

How Mario taught me just how much help to give to my children

By on May 6, 2011 in Autism, Parenting

There are a lot of different parenting styles out there to match a lot of different types of parents. One of the biggest and most obvious differences we see in each other is how much we try to “help” our children.

HelpI put that in quotes because we do all try to help (there are some parents that don’t but that’s another matter). However, some of us don’t do enough and some of us do too much… both of which probably isn’t really helping at all.

If you never help your child, you’re teaching them to be independent but you’re also teaching them they that they can’t depend on you at all. If you help them with everything, you’re teaching them to be dependent for life and never be able to fend for themselves.

There needs to be a healthy balance and I think I’ve found it… in video games.

Mario Dad to the rescue

I’ve posted several times about how my son loves Mario and even how it’s been quite beneficial in his development. It wasn’t until recently that I realized another way in which these games help him… and it’s then that it dawned on me how I can best help him.

In my house, my wife is almost as much of a Mario fan as Cameron is… I’m a fan too but I prefer the much more difficult games, I like the challenge.

As such, when my son gets to a level or a boss that has him stumped, he immediately asks for help. If my wife is unable to help, they call on me and I pick up the controller, beat it and go back to what I was doing.

As I said, it got me to thinking about helping our children in general.

Helping – In the game

The game is a challenge, it’s difficult. Most of it he can manage on his own, he can figure it out. He learns problem solving skills as well as hand-eye coordination.

When it gets too hard, he tries several times but fails. I join him, watch him try and then try it myself.

If it’s a level thing, I do the hard part and promptly give him the controller back to finish the rest of the level himself. If it’s a boss, I just beat the boss and let him collect the reward and move on.

He watches me… 9 times out of 10, this helps him to return to that level or boss and beat it himself next time.

Helping – In real life

Life gets pretty hard sometimes… it’s all relative. For a 5 year old, having to finish all your veggies before you get ice cream is about the equivalent to me having to finish the dishes before I get to watch a movie.

Anyway, sometimes a child (even our adult children) get to a spot in their lives where they’ve tried but are unable to move forward.

He tries several times and fails, I see what he’s trying to accomplish and then I do it for him. Keep in mind, if it’s an issue, just like a game level, I help him overcome the task and give him back the controller to finish the rest.

I give him the exact amount of help necessary to over come the obstacle, making sure he understands what happened so that, should he encounter it again, he can over come it himself, and then I go back to what I was doing before.

Helping – Just the right amount

Your children are going to learn all about failure. Failing is a part of life. You can’t just let them fail at everything they do so that they become stronger but you also can’t protect them from failure for ever either.

Also, if you want your children to help people later in life, you’re going to have to show them how to help. And your children do learn it.

If you do it all for them, the only thing they’ve learned is to keep asking for help… in everything they do.

Not all of us are video game players, but we all have the capacity to help out… thinking about it in terms of those Mario games helped me to strategize and put into practice the way that I can help my children in all things.

Obviously, not all situations will be that simple but I think it makes for a good base for how I approach most situations where my boys need my help.

Do you try to balance how much you help? Do you know parents that over or under do it?

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Mario Bros Video Games As An Autism Treatment

By on August 18, 2010 in Autism

It’s no secret that Mario is a big favourite with children and has been for decades now but children with Autism may see a lot of extra benefits from playing his games, you just have to be careful which ones and for how long.

First, let me say that I suggest you stick to the Nintendo Wii. The problem solving skills and hand eye coordination that you get from other consoles is good but the unique nature of the Wii really adds a whole other level of treatment that I will discuss in a bit.

The first game that we introduced Cameron to was Mario Kart Wii, in which you drive your cart in a race against the rest of the game characters, but instead of just pressing left and right buttons, you actually hold the controller out in front of you like a steering wheel and have to rotate it left and right to turn… further more, the more you rotate it, the harder you turn. This teaches your child the severity of his actions… how to do something a little bit to get a little bit of reaction.

More so than that, it’s a great introduction to video games in general as there isn’t a lot to it beyond pressing one button and steering. And for a first timer, especially at 3 or 4 years old, pressing a button and remembering to turn a controller is about the most multi-tasking that you could expect them to handle.

Cameron went from being behind in his motor skills to being right on par with others his age and a lot of it is due to Mario Kart Wii.

The next game proved to be more harmful than beneficial and that is the Super Mario Bros Wii game where four players can play all at once, and is modelled very closely after the original game. This game is played like the old console games where you press the left and right buttons, jump button, running button and has the occasional shaking action here and there.

The problem with this game is that it has 8 worlds to conquer and even the most expert player would take a while to get through it all. Which means that if you intend on limiting your child to an hour, 2 hours… 24 hours (who does that??), it still isn’t enough to win the game and therefore turning it off means an interruption in their game.

On the bright side, this lead to us helping him master his emotions, his expectations of him when it came time to be disappointed and so forth.  But, even the most level headed and prepared Autistic can still end up in a pretty wild rage filled tantrum when you turn off something they’re right in the middle of.

Cameron’s uncle bought him Mario Galaxy 2, which really exercises his motor skills as it immerses him in some world sized problems and really flexes his 3D muscles as he’s running circles around planetoids in the sky.

The problem comes, again, with turning it off. This game can take months to finish and so you will find yourself having to turn it off right in the middle of your child’s game and facing another tantrum.

Enter Mario Party 8… the latest Mario game that Cameron received for his 5th birthday.

Cameron absolutely LOVES this game and we have yet to face a temper tantrum. Here’s why:

The Premise
Mario Party 8 is essentially a big board game with mini games at the end of each turn. You roll the dice, move your squares, try to get to the star first and then, when everyone did their turn, you play a quick 1 to 2 minute mini game.

Set Game Length = No Tantrums
The number of turns is pre-defined at the beginning of the game, so you can set your child’s game to a quick 10 turns or a very very long 50 turns. It’s up to you and how generous you are feeling. Once those turns are done, the winner is announced and the game is done. This offers the perfect opportunity to pack it up until next time without any harsh interruptions.

Making and Allowing Choices
Instead of being forced in Mario, you get to choose from a rather large list of characters. Your child gets to choose their character, let friends choose theirs and even choose who the computer will be. This teaches your child that not everyone wants the same things that he/she does.

It can be very difficult for a young Autistic to understand that other people don’t want what they want… that they could possibly not pick Luigi when they picked Mario… they’re a perfect match, a team! It took Cameron a little while but then he learned and now understands that other children need to make their own choices.

Turn Taking
Once you’re playing, you’re forced into turn taking. There’s no grabbing at dice to take another turn.. the controls are given to the next player.. it’s set, no questioning it. You wait until your controller makes a noise and it’s your turn again.

Team Work
There are a huge number of mini games and each tests different skills. On top of this, it promotes team work as some games will be 4 on 4, but then some will also be 3 against 1 or 2 against 2. This means that you have to learn to work on your own, to work against everyone or be on a team with another person and work together.

Communication
Cameron can communicate most easily when he’s talking about something he loves and Mario is definitely one of those things. When he has a friend to play with, it’s easy for him to talk to him because he can show them what to do, teach them new things and get excited about game events as they happen together.

Level of Difficulty – Anyone Can Win
The game allows for people of different skill levels to play and everyone will have a chance to win. My wife and I can play with him and no matter how well we do, or he does, anyone could win. This means that your child has a chance at being super proud of beating his parents but it also means that they don’t have to take is so hard if beaten either because everyone gets a chance to win.

Fine Motor Skills
Not only does the game help in social aspects, it is also great for fine motor skills and even gross motor skills all thanks to the Nintendo Wii technology. With so many mini games, your child will have to punch, roll, turn, balance, point at the screen and more in order to do well. It runs the whole gambit of the controller’s capabilities.

Most children like video games and we all know that they do have their benefits in developing problem solving skills and motor skills but for us parents of Autistic children, it can be a whole other world of meltdowns and so we just avoid letting them play all together.

Mario Party 8 is a great solution as it offers more benefits than any other game we’ve tried or heard of thus far. Cameron has really excelled in so many facets of his life and is in large part due to this game. He takes turns with other children so much better now when playing regular board games, he lets his friends decide things for themselves now, he is just doing great.

As always, I don’t promise that your child will have the same reactions or benefits as mine since all children are different (especially with Autism) but if you’re tired of the meltdowns that come with turning the game off, Mario Party 8 may be a good game to try.

My only tip/suggestion that I must insist on you, play with your child! It’s a fun board/video game so don’t fear it, don’t just dismiss it because you don’t play video games… get involved, take the plunge. Playing with your child is not only beneficial but it’s also just about the best thing you can do as a parent. Be involved.

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How Do You Teach a Four Year Old to Calm Down?

By on May 18, 2010 in Autism

I think anyone who knows an Autistic person can tell you just how crazy they can get when dealing with negative emotions, especially when they’re outright angry. My son was no exception, becoming quite scary with rage… wanting to hit, kick, throw things… he would just throw himself to the ground and scream with rage for hours.

Time outs helped a little as he’d have nothing to do but sit by himself and calm down but ultimately it didn’t really calm him down enough. What were we going to do? Give him a 2 hour time out? A few minutes here and there simply was not enough to come down from that much anger.

For Christmas, we bought Cameron the new Super Mario Bros Wii game which he loved the moment he laid eyes on it. However, it brought out the beast in him every time we told him it was time to turn it off. It was the worst we had seen from him, you wouldn’t know that Cameron was in that wild little boy at all… it was like watching a tame dog turn rabid.

The first thing we did, which was also the easiest, was the time out method… which ultimately lead to sending him to bed. If a 5 minute time out doesn’t even take a little of the edge off, then he’d just be sent to bed until either he fell asleep from exhaustion or he finally did get it out of his system.

This wasn’t really a solution and within a month or so, it was already proving to be a failure. He wasn’t getting over it, he wasn’t going to sleep. I had to take a more hands on approach which meant fighting my own overwhelming desire to become enraged like he was. I won’t deny it, I’m only human. And even when you know that it’s primarily the Autism at the heart of it, you still can become very easily angered  when your child is going off on a completely wild tantrum. And having to deal with it head on was going to be a really big challenge for me, as well as for him.

After a couple of months of trying our very best to deal with the tantrums as we were told to do, I instead started following him into the bedroom where I would literally hold him down on his bed… now, if you can imagine this, he would be wailing, kicking, screaming, red faced… letting out a ton of rage all in one shot….  and I would be there, holding him down and talking calmly to him the entire time, trying to reason with him.

I think, at first, he didn’t hear a word I said and rather just knew that I was holding him down against his will. It probably only angered him more, especially since Autistics don’t like to be held in the first place. But over the course of a couple of weeks, he began to realize that he wasn’t stronger, he wasn’t getting out and even though he was still angry, he was starting to hear my voice. Maybe not the things I said, but he could tell that despite everything, I was calm. And it was hard, I couldn’t just fake it… I truly had to be calm, despite being angry myself.

I decided to use that in my bit of reasoning, once I knew I was starting to get his attention through it all, I explained to him that I was angry that he was acting like that… that I know he’s better than that. I explained to him that even though I am angry, I’m staying calm because being angry only hurts yourself and others.

I don’t think it mattered much… at first. But again, a couple weeks of this and he started to actually answer me when I asked if he understood what I meant. Keep in mind, he was only 4 at this time… and I’m talking to him like he’s a teenager who gets into fights at school… but I had to try anyway, I knew I could make him understand.

So again, a couple of weeks keep clocking by and I’m only holding him down for a few minutes at a time and then we’re just sitting on the bed talking… I start getting more answers, I start getting more understanding. I ask him if he knows that I’m angry and he says yes. I ask him if I am staying calm and he says yes. I ask him if he’s staying calm and he says no. I explain to him that the hardest thing he may ever have to do is stay calm even when he’s really really really angry and he looks at me… calmly.

Eventually his temper tantrums turn into him screaming at me “No, I don’t want to stay calm!” Frustrating, but he’s getting it! This was my sign that he was learning what it was that helped him to calm himself… to break the rage. And that rage did get broken, in shorter and shorter time.

Come April, a solid 4 months after getting that Christmas present that he loved so much, he was finally turning the game off when asked to, peacefully, quietly, on his own. I don’t think anyone ever thought it would be possible, and certainly not in just 4 months time, however he had beaten the odds and figured out how to stay calm in the face of uncontrollable anger.

He still gets angry sometimes when he’s asked to turn it off, but it doesn’t last too long. He still loses control sometimes but he now knows that he can get it back again.  I know full well that this is something he’ll never truly master, most people with a bad temper never really do but it is something that is manageable. Not every Autistic child is that lucky though, there is simply no way to get to that point.

If anything though, you have to try. Don’t just give your child a time out, send them to bed, hand them off to someone else to deal with… you have to step up your game. You are not just A parent, you are THE parent. Stop listening to how your parents parented, how your aunts, uncles, grandparents or anyone else did it. Their methods were their methods, not yours. In fact, I’m saying that even though I outlined what I did, that may not be your answer. You have to do what you have to do to get through to your child because maybe… just maybe… there’s a way to break through the rage. Maybe, just maybe, there’s a way that they can learn from you, feed from you, grow from you…. maybe they can beat this.

But it won’t be easy and it won’t be over night. It may not be possible at all but even if it takes you a year, 2 years, 20 years to find out that it’s not possible at all, you have to keep trying. One day you may find it, one day your child may surprise you.

I couldn’t be prouder every time my son turns off Mario and walks away and someone in my family says “I never thought I’d see the day.”

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