Tag Archives | negativity

Crap or Cone

One of, if not the, most positive people I have ever had the pleasure of meeting is a pink haired, very flamboyant man named John “Halcyon” Styn. In the time I had known him, or known of him, he had never been involved in any drama, he never seemed to be where problems were or bad things were going down… he just always seemed to have a smile and was always happy to see you. Even if you’ve never met him before.

Recently, he gave a TED talk. If you have never heard of TED talks, I highly suggest you take some time and sit and watch some. The top minds in the world give short talks that will forever change your perspective on life.

John’s talk is one that may do just that for you as well.

It’s less than 17 minutes (which in the world of autism parenting is a LONG TIME) but I ask that you set aside the time today to watch this. It’s important. Honest.

And when you’re done, continue on reading below the video.

The entire discussion is so powerful and there really is a lot to take in but my focus, right now, is on one very important aspect of life; you have to ask yourself, “crap or cone?”

Essentially, you can focus on the crap and spend all your time thinking about it, talking about it, living in it… or you can focus on the cone and cherish it, enjoy it, share it with others.

What it comes down to is, both methods will get you results. But one might get you the results you want while the other will likely get you the results you want so desperately to avoid.

To put it another way, if you are always seeking the positives in everything… eventually that’s what you will find. But the same is true of the negatives.

And it’s hard to do. It’s so very hard to do when the deck seems stacked against you. When things just seem to keep going from bad to worse. That’s true of anyone and even more so when autism or other disorders or disabilities are involved.

But the same principle holds true. In fact, I’d argue that it’s even more true.

Autism can be hard… very very hard. I won’t deny that.

But that still doesn’t change the fact that what you decide to focus on will dictate how much enjoyment you have out of life. It will determine what your life will look like when you look back on it years from now.

Here’s a hint: when that day comes, when you think back on all of what your life once was, if you had focused on the crap, you’ll remember the diagnosis, the therapy, the schedules, the chaos, etc but if you focus on the cone, you’ll remember the child.

It’s easy to forget that it’s within our power to make that decision, especially when things seem so out of our control. But we do.

It’s a choice.

It’s your choice.

What will be your focus?

Crap or cone?

Comments { 3 }

Disgusted and Offended by some in the Autism Community

I pride myself on being able to exist on both sides of the fence… not just straddle the fence, but to have my feet planted firmly on each side. But sometimes, someone or some group comes along and says something that really makes me seriously question my resolve.

I understand where the tensions, the frustrations and even the hatred can come from when people begin arguing over what they feel is best for their children. I also understand how hurt people can be when they feel violated.

However, understanding it does not mean that I feel they are validated in making some statements or in taking some actions… such as chemically castrating children in an effort to cure Autism. That’s not ok.

When discourse fails, make them your enemy

So one group has recently been quoted as saying:

“We need to get militant, and I mean in a way that scares those in power. You know what I’m talking about.”

I am hoping that this is just strong wording to make a strong point but still, really… do we need military terminology and “you know what I’m talking about” (nudge nudge, wink wink) insinuations?

What exactly is it that you’re talking about? Combat? War? Is it really logical that if someone doesn’t do as you ask, that you become their enemy? Will that make them listen to you? Probably…. not.

Those in power” are not your enemies. No matter what you think. And if you want people to work with you, maybe getting “militant” is not the best option.

If you can’t convince them, call them baby killers

July 10th must have been a particularly bad day for this person, that tweeted not once, but three times:

autism divide 1

Immaculate huh? My guess is you just made that up rather than use a word that any sane person would have used.

autism divide 2

Is that so? I support autism the way a father supports a child that is growing up in a society and school system that is not yet equipped to understand or accommodate him. Granted, all of that doesn’t fit into 140 characters, I still can’t help but think you were going a different way with your meaning.

autism divide 3

I’m not sure I have the time nor web server space available to explain all the ways this is just so wrong…  but I have to question, what exactly would you propose? That all research just halt, ignore any findings that suggest genetics as a cause and declare environmental factors as the sole cause?

Oh wait, that must be it. You’re so certain that if they do discover the genes, if they do discover an actual definitive cause… that parents may get the option of detecting it in their unborn children and thus, have an abortion. Which means that you’d rather silence science and avoid the (possible) truth for fear of abortions.

Because if you truly cared about science or the truth or our children… you’d want the answers. 

By the way, just to finish the point, abortion is not the “end game.” But there’s very little point in explaining that. Those who know it, know it and those who think it, can’t be convinced otherwise.

So disappointed

I just can’t believe that people write this… I more so can’t believe that they not only share it but try to get others to think likewise… and the absolute worst is that this is from an organization that is in the position of influence over parents.

I don’t care if you believe vaccines are the culprit, I don’t care if you believe doctors really are out to hurt our children….. statements like this are just not ok.

There are no “camps”, we’re all on the same side!! We’re not at war and no one is out to abort children. We can’t just stop science because it might result in an answer that we don’t want to hear.

If statements like these were made by individuals as an opinion, I’d just roll my eyes because as I said, I can understand what drove them to it. I don’t approve, but I understand.

But because these types of statements are made by organizations with actual influence over people, I have to voice my objection to this. It is not acceptable to encourage others to think this way.

What are your thoughts??

Comments { 22 }

A special request, an Autism Birthday Wish

birthday cupcakeMy birthday is coming up, June 5th, and I wanted to ask a special request of you.

No I don’t want presents or money. I don’t really even want anyone to know that it is my birthday to be honest. I’m quite content with just going about my business.

However, there are a few things that I’d like for you to do for me, if you’d be so inclined. I’ve listed them below and I ask that you do one or more or all of them.

Donate to the charity of your choice

It would mean even more to me if it’s an Autism charity but it’s not necessary. If you have a favourite charity that improves peoples lives, that really helps people and is working hard to make a real difference, please make a donation.

I’m not asking for any specific amount, nor for you to do it in my name. I’m not even giving you a charity or list of charities to choose from. But to just do it because I asked you too.

Volunteer your time

Much like charity, donating your time is a wonderful way to help out and make a difference. It need only be for a few hours, it can be in any place that works to benefit people.

Just set aside some time one day and dedicate a little time to volunteering at a place that will have you. It doesn’t even have to be on June 5th. You can do it one long week-end where you get an extra day off anyhow.

Don’t let the negativity out one time

This is something that I practice as much as I can and it really does make a difference in your own personal life.

What I do is, each day, I catch myself before I say, write, share or even think one negative thing. Whether it’s me thinking that I can’t do something or being upset with someone else for what they said or did… I stop myself, realize what it is that I’m doing and stop myself.

Instead, I think I can do it, I am not here to judge and I don’t have to get into an argument just because someone on the internet was wrong (that one is hard!).

One time, when you feel down on yourself or get mad at someone in the next few days, or each day if you can…. think about me and think about how I asked that you not do it.


I don’t need anything for myself. What I really want is for people to stop fighting, for people to work together and for people to pitch in a few of their off hours or a little money.

You don’t have to tell me you did it and you don’t have to do it in my name. Just do it and feel good about doing it.

That’s what I like to see most.

Comments { 1 }

When It’s Best to Not Speak Up

I tend to have regular periods of down time, that is… feeling really defeated, really overwhelmed… like a total and complete failure. Actually, I feel like that all the time but sometimes it really drags me down more so than others. The struggle I have at these times is whether or not to reach out for support or words of encouragement or just keep it to myself.

Most of the time, like 99% of the time, there are no words of encouragement that will get me out of it… pretty much, I just have to ride it out until one day I wake up and the feeling isn’t so bad.  Still, I tend to keep hitting facebook or twitter or anywhere and everywhere with some rather negative and depressing messages because there is simply nothing else that I can write.

The end result is that a few times a day, I end up typing out something that I really want to hit enter on but never actually do. People are going to ignore it anyway, or not know what to say or in those rare times, actually say something nice to me and I’ll dismiss it anyhow.

The point I’m getting at is, in the Autism community online, we are all there to support and motivate and share stories… we’re also there to help pick each other up when we’re feeling down but sometimes, when you are just going through a rough patch, it’s best to just keep those sites closed, or keep the keyboard away from yourself.

I could go into a bunch of ‘techniques’ to perk yourself back up, such as getting out of the house, indulging yourself in something you enjoy, what ever… but it’s so much more simple than that. If you know that you may wake up feeling better tomorrow or one day soon, then just don’t speak up until then.

People won’t forget about you, people won’t have lost interest in you… there’s no harm in taking a breather even at the best of times, so don’t feel bad taking a breather at the worst of times too.

Now, that’s not to say that when times are truly difficult that you can’t feel terrible and reach out for support and help… that’s different. I’m just talking about the low patches we all get at random times when we just feel defeated and your only intention is to share negativity with others.

There’s an old expression: “Don’t drag everyone else down with you”. It’s a very difficult urge to resist but sometimes just knowing you resisted that urge is enough to help you feel a little bit better about yourself and thus, break out of that funk.

I have a lot of experience with this, I get into those ‘moods’ a lot. If you don’t see any updates from me for a few days, chances are, that’s why. I’m just taking a breather, I’ll always be back.

Comments { 8 }