Jenny McCarthy announces that she will pose nude in Playboy again “for autism”

By on May 19, 2012 in Autism

jenny mccarthy playboy

First of all, I thought I’d put “for autism” in quotes in the title for one simple reason… she’s not doing it for autism.

You can read the news stories here

Jenny McCarthy is head of Generation Rescue, a charity that claims to fight on behalf of children, specifically children with autism and even more specifically than that, according to them, children that have been harmed by vaccines.

That’s all well and good, I can argue those points another time.

The fact is though, by focusing a cause on children, and then making efforts to raise awareness of those children… fighting for those children… she might as well have said that she’s posing nude for children.

See how wrong that sounds? No one goes nude in order to support children.. or their families. No one goes nude to support ANYTHING other than their own selfish, attention grabbing, publicity seeking stardom.

She’s not doing this for my child. She’s certainly not doing it for your child.

And don’t tell me she’s doing it to raise awareness because I think most Playboy readers gawkers have heard of autism already.

Oh, and the $2,000,000 she agreed to do it for? That goes towards autism in some form or another so it’s all good, right?

In the very second sentence of this post, I said that she’s the head of Generation Rescue… a charity. So think about it for a second.. who exactly is that $2,000,000 going to?

Sure, you could say it’s not in her name exactly, but I’m sure if it was Donald Trump funneling money to his own endeavours rather than to the cause he claims to support… one might have a different opinion.

Even still, even if every last cent does trickle down to the children in some way, it’s still not going to my child or anyone else’s child who doesn’t believe that it was vaccines that caused their child’s autism.

And that leaves out a LOT of children with autism. A LOT.

So again, she’s not doing it for autism.

She’s making a mockery of real causes and real issues.

She obviously isn’t making enough (publicity) out of her shameless self promotion of her books and so she’s doing this.. not for autism, but for herself. And only herself.

She’s in the news today. She’ll be in the news when the pictures come out. She’ll get herself onto the talk shows to talk about it. She’ll sell some more books.

My child will still be sitting on the couch playing Mario.

Great job Ms Opportunist… err… McCarthy.

For the record, to be as clear as I can… I do NOT support this idea, I do NOT feel it represents me or my child at all and I most certainly do NOT think she is representing the community.

This is disgusting. Not because she gets nude for money but because she does it in the name of autism.

For more on my research into Jenny McCarthy, read: The Jenny McCarthy-Autism paradox

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Musician makes connection with 8 year old, blind, autistic boy named Jacob

By on May 16, 2012 in Autism, Videos

As with any nice day when Tyler Gregory has no “gig” to perform at, he went to his favorite spot on the street to perform for the crowds that were coming and going that day.

However, what was quite rare was a most unlikely connection that he was able to make with a young man named Jacob. Eight years old, blind and autistic, this child was deeply attracted to Tyler’s music and began dancing… and inching his way ever closer and closer to the source of the music.

At one point, you could see Tyler nod to Jacob’s mom to indicate that it was alright… and then… their connection became much more than just dance. Jacob, first touching the guitar, and then Tyler’s leg… almost bringing Tyler to tears as he continued playing on.

Before you watch the video below, here is a small part of what Tyler wrote on his blog (you can read it all yourself here):

unlike most kids that come up to me with curiosity, I felt so much energy coming off of him and I was completely overwhelmed. His hand on my leg was very powerful and about brought me to tears while playing. Not because he is blind or autistic.. but because of a connection I have never felt and one that is impossible to explain. Honestly, a feeling that came from my toes all the way up my body and surrounded me. I can’t begin to explain it. I want to try to put it into words, but there is no way to tell how powerful his energy felt.

It was a powerful moment that made my day and reminded me of the good things in life. Reminded me why I love different interactions with people when playing music. Reminded me of how powerful music can be between two people. It also reminded me not to take things for granted, for most of us have it pretty easy in our everyday life. So, I just simply went home with a very big smile on my face that day, and a story to tell my close ones.

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Labels – Try as we might, we can’t avoid them

By on May 14, 2012 in Autism

I know some people that purposely don’t seek out an autism diagnosis (or any medical diagnosis) for fear of the label that it will attach to themself or their child… a label that they will have to carry for life.

While I could go into quite the long winded argument about all of the ways that a diagnosis would help far more than it could ever hinder… instead, I’d like to focus on the label itself.

The Unavoidable

Anyone that has ever attended high school knows that you simply can not avoid getting some type of label in life. It doesn’t matter who you are or what you do. Even the popular jocks get labels. See? They’re jocks!

They say that if you’re bisexual, you’re confused. If you’re gay, it’s a sin. If you’re fat, you look disgusting. If you’re dressed up, you’re conceited. If you dress for comfort, you’re a slob. If you speak you’re mind, you’re egotistical. If you don’t say anything, you’re rude. If you are nice to strangers, then you’re fake. If you cry, you’re a drama queen. If a female has male friends, she’s a whore. If a male has female friends, he’s a player. If you’re smart, you’re a nerd.

I could go on and on but essentially, the idea is, it doesn’t matter how big, small, tall, short, popular, unpopular, loud, quiet or anything else that you could possibly be… you’re going to get labelled.

It’s just how it goes.

label jars not peopleJudging a package by it’s label

The problem, I think, isn’t so much the label that we are given so much as the assumptions that are made based on that label.

For example.. if you see a woman with a lot of make up, physically fit, very tight and revealing clothing… many people would say “she’s a slut” and with one little word/thought, they assume they know her entire life story.

It becomes an even bigger problem when the label precedes you.  For example, going back to the high school reference, word travels fast so if you are really smart… people may start calling you a nerd, geek, poindexter… what ever they think will hurt most.. before they’ve even met you.

They can’t possibly know if you’re smart just by seeing you enter a room or walk down the hall but because friends talk to friends… people have already placed a label on you and prepared an entire method of dealing with you before having actually seen you.

This is a very shallow way of living, it’s not fair and it’s very close minded… but we all do it. At least to some extent. When we hear about another parent who behaves one way or another, talks a certain way, believes a certain thing… we’ve already made assumptions and possibly even decided if we’ll like them or not before we ever say hello.

Nicknames are just labels that we approve of

Sometimes, when we get a label based on the way we actually are… as given to us by friends… we don’t mind them. Sometimes they even evolve into nicknames that we live with for many years.

They’re still labels.

But they’re not so bad because they’re not based on assumption, they’re based on our actual personalities or quirks. Sometimes we still don’t like them but sometimes we don’t mind.

Special needs labels

Labels associated with special needs are very rarely welcome ones because they are almost always based on assumptions, misinformation and stereotypes.

When someone uses the r-word in association with autism, I take that very personally because neither myself nor my son fit that definition. No autistics do unless they also have a separate diagnosis for exactly that.

See, if you were to call my son very particular or picky… I’d probably chuckle and agree with you.

It’s still a label.

But it’s one based on getting to know him and what he’s like.

Not all autistics are all that picky. Take me for example. I’m very go with the flow, not caring too much what others want to do as I can do it too, I eat just about anything… my son is the total opposite.

Labels don’t always hurt. Sometimes they are born of familiarity and if welcome by the individual… are acceptable.

One on one, when accepted, labels are ok.

Never any other time.

When made by a group, against a group, based on assumption, rumour or “information”… labels are not ok.

I leave you with this… from the man who played the ninth doctor in Dr. Who.

Doctor Who

Click for Full Size

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This one is for the moms

By on May 12, 2012 in Parenting

to the momsHere’s to the moms…  with your messy houses, dishes in the sink, clothes on the floor, toys everywhere, late nights and early mornings… you deserve far more than a day and far more than a thank you.

Here’s to the moms… you don’t need to be called “warrior moms” any more than a lion would need to be called a “lion cat”, you have stood up to school boards, governments, insurance companies, bullies, nosy neighbors, stereotypes, judgments, assumptions and everything else that the world could throw at you and while not every battle is a victory, there has never been defeat.

Here’s to the moms… you sacrifice, sometimes literally, everything for your child, you think that lack of sleep or social life is a minor frustration in the grand scheme of things, you will go without food before your child ever does, you would literally take a bullet for your child if necessary.

Here’s to the moms… your child is perfect no matter how anyone else in the world may see them, gifted or not, special needs or not. Your child is as important to you as any other child is to their mother. Your child is your world, your child is beautiful.

Here’s to the moms… your day does not belong to a 9 to 5 schedule, you don’t get 2 weeks of vacation each year, you don’t have a cushy retirement to look forward to for your work, you know that being a parent, God willing, is for life… and you wouldn’t have it any other way.

Here’s to the moms… you don’t need to be praised but you also don’t need to be advised… you don’t need to be accepted but you don’t need to be judged… you don’t need people out of your life but you don’t need people in your business, you don’t “need” anything but you welcome a kind hand when offered.

Here’s to the moms… you know that being a mom is more than just being a “biological mother”, it’s far more than just giving birth.

Here’s to you… a human being, doing your best with what you have. Living life as both a guardian and a friend, a teacher and a student. Not doing what you do because you have to but because it is what you do.

You’re a mom. It’s who you are.

Here’s to you. For being you.

Happy Mother’s Day.

 

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Understanding and acceptance means listening, even if you disagree

By on May 7, 2012 in Autism, General

Understanding
Adjective: Sympathetically aware of other people’s feelings; tolerant and forgiving: “people expect us to be understanding”.

I started the Facebook fan page called “Autism Understanding and Acceptance” a while ago with the goal of moving beyond awareness. What this means is that, rather than just simply knowing that autism exists, we must begin to do one simple, but very difficult thing… listen.

We must listen to autistics, parents of autistics, “experts” and even those that we might not want to listen to… the bullies, the disbelievers, the critics… the haters.

And this is quite contrary to what we’ve always been told and have always believed. We’re supposed to ignore the haters. Ignore the ones who’s only goal is to make you angry.

I hope to explain why, at least in my opinion, it’s important to listen.

understandingThe misconception of what it is to understand

First of all, there seems to be this big misconception among some people that tend to believe that “understanding” is something that applies to others who believe the same thing that they do.

The thing that makes “understanding” so difficult is that it requires us to be willing to listen and understand the position of someone that we do not agree with.

We don’t have to agree with them, just listen. Perhaps, through civility, there can emerge a mutual understanding of how each person has come to believe what they believe… even if, in the end, they still do not agree with each other.

For example, this whole post… I am trying to explain how I’ve come to believe that it’s important to listen to the critics and haters while you (the reader) may think that they should be ignored. When you finish reading this post, you may still not agree with me. But you may understand why I think the way I think.

In fact, I could argue that, to be truly understanding, one should seek out people that they disagree with, if only to listen to them.

It is not your job to change their mind. Nor is it really your job to listen. But it is best to recognize that they are two entirely different things. You can listen without having to convince them how wrong they are.

Understanding isn’t something that happens when two people agree. It’s the ability to comprehend why a person feels the way they do.

The uncomfortable position it puts you in

I won’t lie to you, you’ll get stuck in the middle of some sticky situations… and I’d like to give you my fan page as an example, particularly how it relates to the autism community.

When it pertains to autism, “understanding and acceptance” is often considered to be the opposite of “cure”…  there are those who want to cure themselves or their children of autism and then there are those who want for society to have more understanding and acceptance of themselves or their children.

This is such a small part of what it truly is to be understanding. It’s so much more than that.

It’s about understanding why a person might want a cure. What they’ve been through.

It’s about understanding why some people dislike autism, or any disorder or disease or their hair colour or how tall they are or their dripping kitchen faucet. Anything and everything.

It’s about remembering… people are allowed to dislike something every bit as much as they are allowed to like it.

“Understanding” is not a thing that is to be thrust on someone that dislikes something until they learn to like it.

This means that, on my Facebook page, when I post something by someone who feels sad, angry, betrayed…. just… dark… it is I that comes under attack for it. Not the person that wrote it.

It also means that when I post something triumphant, positive, happy…  it is I that comes under attack for it. Not the person that wrote it.

Why? Because people have perceived notions of what “understanding” is and feel that I should share those notions. That by being “understanding” of their feelings… I should also have those same feelings… and only share things on the page which coincide with those feelings.

It puts me in the middle. And unless I share items with people that they are personally comfortable with, they will see me as not being understanding….  for they would not have shared it… because they do not understand it.

But no one single feeling will pertain to everyone. Which means there will always be someone that does not “understand” it.

I can’t win.

Acceptance for the win

Perhaps I can win though… not in a victory, holding up the trophy sense of the word… but by persevering.

You see, understanding and acceptance is not the opposite of wanting a cure for autism.

It’s listening. That’s all.

To those that we do not agree with and those that we do. To those who want a cure and those that don’t. To those that are full of hate as well as those that are full of love. Even to those that will never understand and accept us.

They are people, with valid opinions, feelings… lives.

And it’s true, they might be wrong. We tell ourselves there’s no reason to listen to someone that is wrong.

But how can we ever show them what is right if we can not take the time to understand why they are wrong or how they came to be wrong?

How can we ever hope for them to listen to us if we can not take the time to listen to them?

Besides, right and wrong is such an abstract concept much of the time anyway. Differences, sometimes, are simply that. Differences. No right or wrong.

Understanding the “how” and “why” is the only way to understand the “who”… it’s the only way to move forward towards acceptance.

If acceptance is all you ask of others, then you have to be willing to do the same. Of all others. Not just those you feel comfortable with. Not just those that share your feelings.

Take the time to understand those that you disagree with completely… before you ask someone else to do the same.

Autism Understanding and Acceptance

Autism is not a superpower. Autism is not a curse.

It’s a spectrum of different stories ranging from one end to the other and only those who take the time to listen will be able to truly understand it.

It’s people. Autistic or not. Happy or not. Angry or not. They’re all people.

And they might not understand us. They might not agree with us. They might not accept us.

That doesn’t mean that we can’t take the time to understand them. All we have to do is listen.

That’s what understanding and acceptance is.

Perhaps you disagree. And that’s ok. At least now you understand what it is to me.

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