Tag Archives | school

Autism can’t stop my son from being a great big brother

By on September 9, 2011 in Autism

This year, my younger son Tyler (3yrs old) started JK… his first time in school. He’s so very excited for it because he’s watched his older brother, Cameron (6yrs old), go off to school for 2 years now.

And even though Tyler is still only 3, he’s more than ready. He can count pretty high, knows his alphabet, goes to the bathroom on his own and most of all… he’s just so crafty. He loves to paint and build things… school is so perfect for him.

Still though, even when it goes perfectly for the most willing of children, school can be overwhelming for the first little while.

Still bragging about this school

Cameron

Cameron - Big Brother

I’ve written many many times about how I picked up my family and moved over 850km away to get Cameron into this school because of their amazing Autism classes… this year, Cameron is back for his 3rd year (grade 1 this year!) and he gets the same teacher, the same teachers assistants and some of the same classmates.

A couple of children have gone off to IBI or to another classroom but his familiar friends are still there. Cameron is doing exceptionally well thanks to this.

There is another added benefit though, which I have not discussed, because we had not yet reached that point but this year is the year… his little brother gets to attend the same school!

It’s a normal, run of the mill public school but they have 4 special classrooms especially designed and equipped for children with Autism.

This means that while Cameron is in his class of 4 children (including him), with 1 teacher and 2 aides…. Tyler, his little brother, is across the hall!

Overcome Autism? No problem with the right motivation

Cameron has never had a huge problem with hugs or showing his feelings but then again, it’s not as natural for him as it would be for most other children either though.

Trying to get that out of him where he’s not quite as comfortable is even tougher… like say, at school.

But that doesn’t stop him when Tyler needs him!! Oh no.

Tyler knows that his big brother is across the hall and when the anxiety gets too much for him, he knows to ask his teacher… so his teacher takes his hand, walks him across the hall, Cameron stops what he is doing, gives his little brother a big hug and tells him that he’s ok… and Tyler goes right back to his class, feeling so much better.

This is huge!

Cameron told me that he remembers when he first went to school… for the first 6 months or so, he had a very hard time because he “didn’t feel safe.” I told him that sometimes, Tyler might feel that way too but mom and dad can’t be there to help him.

Cameron stepped up to the task in a huge way and is genuinely eager, excited and willing to help out his little brother. He wants be the big brother that Tyler needs.

Not a surprise to those that know him

Tyler

Tyler - Ready for his first day!

While I am excited about this, I’m not surprised.. and I’m sure those that know Cameron won’t be surprised by this either.

Still though, as a parent, I’m still so very proud. Also, if you’re a parent of a child with Autism, I’m sure you can understand that even though I’m not surprised, I’m still… well, I wasn’t going to believe it until I saw it.

Cameron amazes me every day, as does his little brother, but I still put no expectations on him before hand. He won’t disappoint me if he doesn’t do it, he won’t surprise me if he does do it… but it’s never necessary because sometimes, he just doesn’t do what some might expect of him.

And while it doesn’t surprise me, what does get me is that he’s so willing to stop what he’s doing… to break routine… to show affection right there in front of everyone… and to know and understand what his little brother is feeling.

In that moment, when his brother needs him most.. he is not autistic. There is no Autism. There are no teachers. There are no parents.

There is only Tyler. His little brother. And he loves him.

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The discrimination you hate but should really learn to appreciate

By on September 7, 2011 in Autism

It’s back to school time which raises a lot of emotions as well as a lot of concerns. Rightfully so.. it’s a rough transition to go through.

As such, the media lights up and bloggers all start to sing in harmony about the troubles, struggles and issues pertaining to “back to school” time.

One such issue that I’ve been hearing a lot about is discrimination… not that some children discriminate against other children but that of the schools or teachers themselves.

The Problem

What we find is that a lot of schools or day care providers are unwilling to even accept children with special needs, or if they do, they do not treat those children fairly. They don’t provide them the leniency they require or the special attention they need.

In some cases, the children aren’t cared for properly nor treated properly either.

Welcomed Discrimination

discriminationIt’s rather painful to accept but honestly, I’d rather that children were not accepted into schools or day cares if those people are not trained, not equipped or otherwise unable to treat those children properly.

When I read about the nine year old that was locked in a room and then hand cuffed by police while at day care, I stop and wonder… could it have turned out very differently? Not better… but differently? Think about this:

If the day care provider had refused to take the child in the first place, would there have been a news story about discrimination against Autism?

Perspective Discrimination

I read all the time about Canada refusing to let in children that have Autism, sometimes the whole family is denied. That is so very wrong. It angers me.

But it’s not that they are turning them away that makes me upset. It’s that Canada recognizes it’s own inability to care for any more children than it already has and is doing nothing about it.

In fact, Canada is unable to care for the number of children it already has… current wait lists are proof enough of that.

But now, when people try to bring their children into the country, they’re turned away because the government deems them a burden on an already failing system.

And it is. It’s failing. It’s not keeping up with demands.

And it knows it. It turns away children because of it.

And it’s doing nothing about it.

The schools are trying, but the funding isn’t there. The police are trying, but the funding isn’t there.

There is discrimination but it’s not by the teachers, or the day care providers, or the schools or the police… it’s by a system that knows that it isn’t doing a good enough job and yet does nothing about it.

Conclusion

So when a child is turned away… don’t get mad at them. They’re doing their best with what they have and they know that if they do take your child, your child won’t receive the service that they need and then that will be what gets into the news.

When that teacher or day care or school fails that child, there will be hell to pay and it won’t be the government that takes it, it’ll be them. Despite there attempts at doing their best and getting themselves in over their heads… they’ll falter because they don’t know any better, or don’t have the resources, or the training or man power… a child will get hurt, or lost or put into hand cuffs…. and they’ll be dragged through the coals for it.

It’s either that…  or discriminate against Autism.

I’ll pass on the hand cuffs… I’ll take the discrimination.

Comments { 10 }

Starting the School Year When Your Child Has Autism

By on August 29, 2011 in Autism

This post is assuming that your child has Aspergers or HFA level symptoms and thus, capable and “ready” for school.

The whole school process is a struggle enough. Parents have so much to get ready…. supplies, paperwork, transportation and more. Then you have the child who’s going to be heading out into the world, for the first time on their own, to fend for themselves.

It’s nerve wracking. It’s scary. It’s tiring.

On top of all of that, your child has Autism? This is a recipe for disaster if not prepared for in advance.

I don’t have all the answers, I’m just a guy trying to get my own kids through it but I can share with you some of the things that we’ve done. Maybe some of it will be new to you, maybe you’ll have much better ideas than I do (and please do share them in the comments!)

schoolFirst Year

If this is your child’s first year of school, you’re going to have to do a lot of preparation in advance. This doesn’t start a few months before or even a year before… this should start as early as possible.

  • seated learning time (counting, alphabet, shapes)
  • scheduled snacks/lunches as per strict routine
  • scheduled play time
  • play with others. Whether that means playing “next to” another child or what have you.
  • play groups would be ideal. Learning how to cope in a room with other children

Obviously this isn’t going to be fundamental or even strict for the first little while but as you approach that all important first day of school, it should become more and more a part of the regular routine.

A good idea to get your child ready is to visit the school and the teacher in advance and find out what some of the routines will be.
Also, listen for keywords because they may refer to certain things differently than you would at home.
For example, my son’s school has “nutrition breaks” rather than “lunch”

As part of your build up routine, have your child get up at the same time every day, get dressed, teeth brushed, breakfast in and everything before 8am or 8:30am.

I know that most of those things are a challenge on a good day but the more it becomes a part of the routine, the better it will go over time. It’s far better to struggle BEFORE school than when school actually does start.

Back to School

So your child has been to school already and is just finishing their summer vacation. That’s fine, a lot of the same rules will apply except that your child is likely a bit older which may mean having to rebuild some routines.

For example, your child’s bed time may have been pushed a little later since the sun doesn’t go down as early. Your child may even be waking up later as a result.

Going out to the park, swimming, sitting around and playing video games…. all of these things disrupt the routine and even though they know full well what to expect at school, they may still find it a huge challenge to cope.

About 2 weeks before going back to school, start to ease their bedtime back to it’s regular time. Not at all once but a bit by bit.

The week before school, go back to your school routine. Waking up at a certain time, going to bed at bed time… and everything else becomes school mode.

Get them dressed, fed, cleaned and even pack their lunches in the morning.

To make it fun, use that packed lunch as an excuse for some last chance trips to the park or the lake or what have you. Let them do their lunches as they would at school… meaning, no help (or not much) from you.

This helps them to get back into school mode.

The Best Thing You Can Do Is Not Be A Parent

I know, you just want to enjoy every last minute and make them as happy as possible for every last minute of freedom they have.

But that does very little to prepare them for what is to come.

And there’s no saying that the preparation can’t be fun. You just have to be creative. As I said earlier, go on picnics… give them rewards for a job well done.

Preparation is key, I’ve found. My wife is a master at it and really, this post is just notes as I tag along with her awesome planning.

The only way you can discover, recognize and avoid as many potential pitfalls and issues as possible in advance is to start before the fact. Treat the week before (or even 2 weeks before) as if they were school days so that you can hash out any problems or find out what will become problems before you have to deal with it for real.

That way, failed mornings don’t jeopardize an actual school day. It’s far better that you try to recover at home, where your child is comfortable, than at school where they really don’t want to be.

I’m sure your child’s teacher would appreciate it!

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Life is the key to decyphering Autism

By on January 26, 2011 in Autism, Autism Communication

A “cipher (or cypher)” is essentially a scrambled up message that requires a “key” to unscramble it. For example, if you used 1-26 instead of a-z to write out a message. You’d take that long list of numbers, change the numbers back to the letters they represent and presto, you’d have a readable message.

The reason I’m explaining this is that there’s a stage in Autism where a person goes from non-verbal to being very cryptic to being a person capable of appropriate conversations. Sometimes this “stage” happens in childhood, sometimes it’s adulthood, sometimes it’s for a year and sometimes it’s for many years.

What happens is that a person with Autism will likely think very differently than most “normal” people but not really realize that there is a difference. Therefore what they imagine is happening, or their ability (or lack there of) to explain it, often ends up in something that sounds like some sort of code and often leaves us parents having to crack it.

The good news is that we have the tools to do it. The bad news is that we’re the only ones with the tools to do it because the key to cracking the cipher is that person’s life.

I’ll give you two examples of what I mean, the first happened just tonight.

Cameron has been having it particularly rough the last couple of weeks, outbursts, crying fits, general bad behavior… so finally, tonight, I sat him down and had a talk with him.

  • Me: Cameron, what is going on? We need to stop and talk… we need to find out why you are doing more bad things than good things.
  • Cameron: …
  • Me: Does your tummy hurt? Does your head hurt? Are you sad because we changed your bedroom? Are you sad because a teacher left your class?
  • Cameron: When I do bad things… when… bad stuff… I have bad things dancing around in my head.
  • Me: You have bad things dancing around in your head? What do you mean? What bad things?
  • Cameron: bad things like… hitting… and pushing… and cutting…
  • Me: Those things dance around in your head?
  • Cameron: ya… and I can’t get them out.
  • Me: Who is doing the hitting and pushing and cutting in your head?
  • Cameron: <names another child at school>… he cuts… the teachers…
  • Me: I see, he does these things in your head?
  • Cameron: Ya… and I can’t get them out.

So at bed time, while putting on his PJ’s, I talk to him about it again.

  • Me: So what do you think we should do about these bad things dancing around in your head?
  • Cameron: We have to cut them out.
  • Me: Well, we can’t just cut things out of your head.
  • Cameron: Ya.. we have to make a hole… and cut them out and put it back again.
  • Me: Sorry buddy, but it doesn’t work that way.
  • Cameron: Why?
  • Me: It’s just not that easy. We can’t cut you and take ideas out of your head. We have to find another way.
  • Me: What do you do with food that you don’t like?
  • Cameron: Throw it in the garbage.
  • Me: So what can you do if it’s bad ideas dancing in your head that you don’t like.
  • Cameron: Throw it in the garbage!!
  • Me: And what is left if you throw the bad ideas in the garbage?
  • Cameron: …. uhmm.. good ideas?
  • Me: Right. Do you think that would work?
  • Cameron: Ya!!!

Do I think that will work? Who knows. On some movie set or episode of Dr. Phil maybe… but it’s a start. At least I have a good idea now that the actions of his lower functioning class mate are starting to wear on him. This gives me, and his teachers something to work with.

And it fits because this is very very similar to the outbursts we had with him when he first started school over a year and a half ago. He didn’t feel safe. Now it’s happening again.

My second example (I didn’t forget) was when his teachers wrote in his journal that he was complaining about a strange noise in his head. Again, close to bed time, I talked to him about it. He described it as a strange noise in his head, that he couldn’t stop and couldn’t get out.

After some world class interrogation skills and deductive reasoning on my part (ya right), I was able to determine that the “noise” was mooing and it was part of a song that he liked but hadn’t heard in a while. A line or two from that song was stuck in his head, playing over and over again. He didn’t know what song and couldn’t make it stop. We’ve all had that happen before!

So again, both examples show that not many people could have figured out what exactly was going on in that marvellously complex mind of his because you need the key to unscramble the messages… and that key is his life.

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The public vs private school debate. Has everyone forgotten it’s a spectrum?

By on January 18, 2011 in Autism

There has been a lot of talk lately, due to news stories coming out, about the pros and cons of having children with Autism pushed out there into public schools or secluded away into private schools. Quite frankly, I’m surprised this is even a debate.

Here is my question for all involved… how can you possibly debate one or the other when what we need is both?

Autism is a general term encompassing a spectrum of disorders in a variety of levels of severity… you know this, I know this… these people debating should know it.. right?

If you are debating this topic at a political or journalistic level, please listen to me very carefully.

We need both!

Children that are newly diagnosed likely need the extra hand holding… a child that is so severely low functioning that they’re unable to speak or be toilet trained, they should probably not be in a public school. No, I don’t think the parent has to choose between an institution and home schooling either. A school should be an option… an OPTION. They should not be forced into school and they should not be forced to send their defenceless child to what will likely be a very difficult and cruel time at public school.

Conversely, a child that is speaking, rather intelligent and capable of maintaining at least one friendship at a time will likely benefit from being in a public school. Here, their social skills are put to the test as well as their intellect… also, if they’re high functioning, they won’t be subject to the lesser desired behaviours of the lower functioning children around them in an all Autism school.

A spectrum of children with a spectrum of functioning levels requires a spectrum of solutions… not ‘a solution.‘

There is never one solution for all children when Autism is involved.

I understand there is seldom the money available when having to choose which services will get which funding but I’m afraid you don’t get to choose… there really is not a choice. Parents need both because our children need both.

This is where we need to step it up to another level beyond Autism Awareness and institute a policy of Autism Understanding and Acceptance.

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