Tag Archives | potential

If you believe in yourself, the magic will happen

By on February 15, 2012 in Autism, Parenting

In 2007, a wonderfully fun little movie called Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium came out featuring Dustin Hoffman, Natalie Portman and Justin Bateman. While this movie will never hold a candle to films such as the Wizard of Oz or Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, it does shine in it’s own special way.

Dustin_Hoffman_in_Mr._Magoriums_Wonder_Emporium_Wallpaper_3_800

Just Believe

The Premise

Dustin Hoffman plays the magical being, Mr. Magorium… and by magical, I mean that he’s 243 years old and brings toys to life. His assistant is played by Natalie Portman who is struggling to find herself. She tells Mr. Magorium that she “feels stuck” and he responds by giving her the Congreve Cube… uh… a block of wood.

As you get accustomed to the magical world within the store, Mr. Magorium throws in a shocker in announcing that he has to leave… effectively, he’s going to die tomorrow.

This leaves her with a store that she’s not sure she wants, an accountant that hasn’t even seen a toy in years and a fun little boy sidekick type that is in the peak of his magic believing life.

The Magic

It’s a wonderfully fun movie for the kids… Cameron was mesmerized through most of it but did get bored a few times as the discussions about life would take away from the store and the magic.

But that was the thing, I think, in that this movie held so much more magic for the parents than it did for the children. I think that is what holds it back from being a classic like Oz or Willy Wonka but it’s also what makes it so important for parents to watch.

You see, as Mr. Magorium “leaves” and his assistant has to figure out her life, the store begins to lose it’s colour, the toys stop coming to life… essentially, it dies. It becomes a dark, dreary place that no one wants to step foot into.

It’s not until Molly (Natalie Portman’s character) realizes what it is that she has to do that everything comes back to life. She believes in the magic, she believes in the toys, she believes in the store and most of all, she believes in herself again… and the Congreve Cube begins to move.

It’s her belief that causes the cube to move, it’s her belief that brings back the colour and it’s her belief that leads the viewer to believe that, providing she always does believe, she too will live to be over 240 years old.

The Lesson

As Molly dances around the store and the toys begin to move, dance and fly, the colours come back, the music builds and builds and the children come running in the front door to see all of the magic, my son sat on the couch, hugging the couch cushion with a huge smile on his face.

I love to see him being so happy that he can hardly contain it. It’s a rarity.

So I decided to see if Cameron got it:

Me: So what did she have to do to make the magic come back?

Cameron: …  believe?

Me: Right! …  And what did she have to believe in?

Cameron: … magic?

Me: Nope… herself! She had to believe in herself!

Cameron: believe in herself?

Me: Yes, that means that she had to be happy being her. She had to know that she was smart and a good person. She had to know how awesome she is!

Cameron: and that makes the magic?

Me: Exactly. If you believe in yourself, the magic will happen.

While I don’t know just how much of that will stay with him, I know that it will stay with me. And I hope it stays with every parent that watches the movie.

Never stop believing in make believe. Never stop believing in silly, childish, wild and wacky fun. Never stop believing in magic. And most importantly, never stop believing in yourself.

It’s this that I will always remind my boys and will always do my utmost best to remind myself.

Autism or not, if you believe in yourself, the magic will happen.

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The brilliance of the innocence

By on February 4, 2012 in Autism

While out shopping yesterday, my son (6 years old with autism) said something that is so profoundly brilliant that it took a little while to realize the whole scope of it.

You have to realize that this is a boy who really has no concept of the value of money except that we parents make it and use it to buy them stuff. He doesn’t really get that some things can cost more than others or that sometimes we just don’t have the money for what he wants.

cameron ambition

Award winner for Ambition


So what did he say?

“Stuff that we need shouldn’t cost anything because we have to have it and that way, we’d have more money for the stuff we want.”

Simple right? Makes sense too. I mean, you start to think about all of the homeless people, the hungry people… the people who need basic necessities that simply can’t get it because they have no money. They should have these things because they need these things. We all should.

The things we want, now that’s what we need to work for. That’s what we need to earn.

The things we need, we deserve… simply by being human. The things we want, we have to work hard to deserve.

So it stands to reason that, if society could be revamped, from the ground up, the things we all need should be made available to everyone while the things we want would cost money.

The problem, as my wife and I saw it, is that most people don’t really know what they need. For example, most people think they need their cell phone. They don’t.

Many women think they need a good hair-do and make up while many men think they need access to sports or a fast car/big truck. They don’t.

It’s a bit of a warped mentality that we’ve all become accustomed to.

But I think that a system as my son envisions it, would really help to put things into perspective and firmly place that dividing line between needs and wants for us.

Another problem would be that those people that provide the shelter, food and other basic needs need to be compensated for their hard work…  but with enough thought, I’m sure that could be worked out.

Anyway, I’m not trying to work out the foundation for a new society, I’m just demonstrating how sometimes the most simple, yet profound, thoughts can really get you thinking.

And it came from, of all the unlikeliest of places, my 6 year old son who really has no grasp of needs vs wants nor that of money/value on things.

Or at least, I thought he didn’t.

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Know your child is how you want your child to be

By on January 20, 2012 in Autism

Whether you feel that Autism needs to be cured or not, we’ve all had that moment where we thought our newly diagnosed child was doomed to a complicated struggle of a life and that they will never amount to what others see as average, much less the lofty goals and dreams we had before the diagnosis.

There is certainly nothing wrong with this, it is natural. It is a scary thing to have happen to you and to your child.

Less than perfect

For many people, that feeling of disappointment and fear of the future passes. Maybe not entirely, but for the most part. They learn to accept that their child is how they are and that they’re perfectly wonderful just the way they are. It’s certainly not without it’s struggles but parents take each day as they are and love their child unconditionally… no matter what.

Then there are those parents who hold on to that disappointment and will always fear the future. They see their children as damaged or defective and seek vengeance (or justice) on those who are responsible. They will never accept that their child was meant to be how they are.. and who they were meant to be was robbed from them.

I don’t know who is right and I don’t know who is wrong, I don’t know if there is a villain to bring to justice… but what I do know is that no child should ever feel that their parent sees them as less than perfect… much less broken or defective.

Few exceptions

Even a child that does not speak, does not engage their parents, does not play and has all the other “severe” indications of “low functioning” autism can sometimes surprise us. The right tool, device or incentive can help some of these people “find their voice” and show the world what they’re truly made of.

It makes many people think that a lot of autistics have it within them to do this. You, and they, just have to find a way.

If true (which I believe it likely is, at least for some), then the things you say, do and even think will be picked up and even understood by your child. Even more so if your child is able to express themselves and communicate better.

Even if you try to hide it, if you truly believe that your child is broken or defective, it will affect your child. Perhaps the parent is a little less affectionate, perhaps they’re a little less encouraging… these things will resonate with your child. It may be on some subconscious level or it may just be a hint of self doubt that lives within them into adulthood.

Few children are able to excel despite a parent’s disapproval, few children are able to truly be self confident when their own parents do not believe in them first. Some children can overcome that but doesn’t a child with autism have enough to overcome already?

perfection

Unconditional love

I’m not saying that you are wrong if you fight for a cure, I’m not saying you’re wrong if you are fighting to put a stop to what ever you believe is the cause of autism… what I am asking for is… please stop seeing your child as broken.

Accepting your child for who they are, right now, right in front of you… it does not mean giving up. It certainly doesn’t mean you don’t care. All it means is that you love your child, through and through, 100%, no matter what.

Know that your child is perfect, know that your child is who they are and encourage them to always be themselves. Know it.

Don’t just think it and don’t just make it something you say so that you can feel better about yourself for making them feel better about themself… you need to believe it. You need to know it.

This is your child and your child deserves that much from you.

Once you believe it, the real miracles start to happen.

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The Looks

By on December 20, 2011 in Autism, Autism Awareness, Parenting, Special Needs

(This piece appears in the recently published Anthology of Disability Literature)

Recently, my 12-year-old Alex kept trying to scoot through an open door in the basement of our neighborhood supermarket. The store wasn’t crowded and hardly anyone noticed me hauling him back to the checkout line except a young lady working the register. I saw her looking at Alex with the small smile and direct eyes that I’ve learned mean: She knows someone with autism. She stroked his head once.

The cashier might have stroked Alex’s head out of understanding the kind of life Alex is likely to have. Of course I wish she’d felt comfortable yelling at him, comfortable because he was normal and he shouldn’t be trying to run in the basement of a grocery store, comfortable in the way somebody might be yelling at Alex’s typically developing 9-year-old brother Ned.

They don’t yell at Alex in the pizza place, either. I take him there in the fragile hope that he’ll eat the cheese off a slice or two while he’s out of the house so Ned can get his English tutoring. Alex and I often take the table way in the back, and the first few times I did this I was scared he would bolt while I got the pizza. “We’ll keep an eye on him, buddy,” the guy behind the counter said.

Alex has received his share of looks – more outside of New York City (they positively stared in the Massachusetts malls), perhaps because people are used to seeing just about anything in New York and passing by without what appears to be an obvious thought. When Alex was still a baby on oxygen, some kids on a Queens sidewalk did ask, “What happened to that guy!?” That was nice; Alex was emerging from a year in the hospital, and it was good to think he’d ceased to be patient and had finally become some “guy” on a sidewalk.

People – at least the people I’d like to have around Alex – seem to need to think there’s something beyond vulnerability to those with autism. Something special or beneficial to society, or at least likable and warm, like the message of movies like Rain Man, lessons tied up in what Richard Yates disdainfully called “a neat little dramatic package.” Yeah, there’s autism. But they can count cards, too! Some of them can count cards. Some can paint. Some with autism can do all sorts of things, just like some of all of us can, and of course the verdict is still a long way off when it comes to Alex’s real abilities. I want people to stroke his head someday because he helped them, because he contributed in a way that brought him fulfillment at the end of his working day. And I want to live to see him get that. I call that my Hopeful Outlook.

–Jeff Stimpson

Alex: The Fathering of a Preemie and Alex the Boy: Episodes From a Family’s Life With Autism

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My child’s future with Autism, my goals

By on October 25, 2011 in Autism

I can’t set goals for my son, I can only set goals for myself in hopes of making his future a little better. People say the best way to achieve your goals is to write them down. It makes you accountable for them and reminds you of them later.

Anyway, I’ve been blogging for a little while and even had the opportunity to work with a few charities/groups on some things… so it got me to thinking about what I am going to do.

I don’t mean in the vague… “promise to always be there for him” sort of way but in the “what specifically can I do to improve his life by doing things within/for the Autism community” kind of way.

goalsSo here are my personal goals for the future, as they pertain to the world of Autism.

  1. Develop a web/mobile app that will change the Autism Community
    This is something I’ve already envisioned and outlined. I do not have the resources but do have the plan. This, if/when completed, has the potential to benefit each community as well as the global community in incredible ways.
  2. Write a book
    I have begun work on writing an Autism book, one that takes a very different approach from most other books. It’s something I’m very passionate about in that, completing it, may help to raise people’s understanding, not just awareness. This will help in my son’s future in that, the more people that understand between now and then, the better.
  3. Ensure my son is not ignored
    Now, I don’t know how exactly this is to be accomplished… through many smaller goals, I suspect… but should my son desire to speak up about Autism later in his life, in any way he should choose to do so… it is my mission now to make sure that he is not ignored when he does.
  4. Make this my source of income
    This one may sound a bit selfish, but it’s not. I don’t necessarily wish to make money from helping people or “doing good”, however, having to maintain a day job in order to have an income greatly limits my time, resources and ability to achieve all of the things that I would like to achieve. If it was my source of income, I could devote all of my time to doing it. So no, I don’t wish to become rich by any means.. in fact, I could make the same as I am making now, I don’t care. I just need to find a way to work harder, read more, write more, be more involved and the only way I can do that is if doing it replaced my day job.

It’s not a very big list, my skills and resources… as well as my ideas are limited. Having a family of 4 and a day job will do that. None-the-less, the few goals that I do have there are rather hefty.

And now that I’ve shared them with you… I have to do them!

So I will.

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