The follow through. When disciplining, stick to your guns

One of the more challenging things to do is discipline your children… book stores and libraries could fill entire sections just with books on the subject, there’s just so many opinions, methods, taboos and other topics to be aware of.

The one aspect that almost all agree on, and is also the most tricky to accomplish, is following through with your threats.

For example, my boys would not go to sleep once in bed… I can’t keep separating them, I can’t let them stay up late and make life harder for their teachers at school due to them being over tired… what do I do?

Well, I certainly can’t threaten them with much in the here and now… it’s bed time, they have pj’s on, they’re in bed. What can I take away? What kind of time out could I give them?

The most obvious thing to do is to threaten to take away something they like for the next day… in my boy’s case, television, video games, treats… it’s different for every child as every child has something different they really love.

What ever it is that you decide upon, you must follow through. It doesn’t matter if you threaten to take away their favourite hat or their will to live.. what ever it is, you better stand firm on that the next day and remind them what you said, what they did and why you have no choice but to take it away.

All children are smart, all children are clever… they will learn very quickly what an empty threat is if you make one. If you threaten to take away treats the next day, you better do it.. no matter what happens that next day.

In the case of a child with Autism, it’s doubly true because depending on how exactly Autism affects your child (everyone is different), there’s a good chance that the one time that you cave, will be the one and only time that is retained with any clarity. What I am trying to say is, they’ll forget the 6 times you held firm and remember the 1 time you didn’t.

As you can imagine, something like that would make all future threats of discipline a very futile task, and they’ll tell you that too. “Go to sleep or I’ll take away tv all day tomorrow.” will be met with “No! No taking away tv tomorrow! I will watch tv so there!”

You don’t have to be ruthless, you don’t have to threaten to take away much really… so long as you stick to your guns. If you say it, you had better mean it. Because if you have no intention on following through, you’ll only be making things harder for yourself from there on out.

About Stuart Duncan

My name is Stuart Duncan, creator of My oldest son (Cameron) has Autism while my younger son (Tyler) does not. I am a work from home web developer with a background in radio. I do my very best to stay educated and do what ever is necessary to ensure my children have the tools they need to thrive. I share my stories and experiences in an effort to further grow and strengthen the online Autism community and to promote Autism Understanding and Acceptance.


4 Responses to The follow through. When disciplining, stick to your guns

  1. The Domestic Goddess February 3, 2011 at 12:42 pm #

    Follow through is the HARDEST part about discipline. It’s all well and good if you have a fancy schmancy system with consequences and rewards but you can’t slack off, not one iota. They are ruthless little monsters and they’ll eat you alive (I keed!). Seriously, though, consistency is key. Excellent advice.

  2. Flannery February 3, 2011 at 12:42 pm #

    That’s for sure! More than once my son has gone to bed without dinner. I felt terribly guilty about it, while he cried in his bed, but I knew I had to stand by it. He takes me very seriously now if I have to resort to that threat!

  3. mylindaelliott February 4, 2011 at 6:59 pm #

    I have a theory (with no real basis in fact) that discipline is sort of like gambling. If I win at the slots sometimes I play till my money is all gone.

    Similarly when my girls were younger if I did let them get away with something sometimes, they were sure to do it again. That type of random discipline or not actually reinforced their misbehavior.

    I enjoyed the post. You sound better at being consistent that I was.

  4. Karen V. February 4, 2011 at 8:37 pm #

    This is such great advice! My son is going through potty training. He gets a postive reinforcer (toy) for 10 minutes after using the potty. I take it away. He cries. It breaks my heart but I can’t give it back or the whole process becomes meaningless. Like you say, I have to stick to it because this most basic of tasks cannot be accomplished if I don’t! Thanks for this one! Just when I needed it!

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