Autism Denial – Einstein Didn’t Talk Until He Was Four
Written on May 12, 2010 by Stuart Duncan 
Filed Under: Diagnosing Autism
In my experience, the most likely person to be in denial of a child having a disorder like Autism is the parents, primarily the father. However, in my family’s case, my wife and I never denied it for a moment, everyone else did!
At first our family, trying to be supportive, told us that some kids are just like that, some kids are just quirky, some kids just don’t talk until they’re older. When you observe each individual ‘sign’, they weren’t wrong. Every sign that a child has Autism can be viewed as just a quirky thing that some kids do, when you look at them individually. But when you group all the signs together to form a diagnosis, you realize that they’re not just quirks.
Unfortunately, no one really spent time with Cameron as much as we did so no one could really ever know. Being in denial was a matter of convenience for some because it also meant being supportive at the same time, helping us feel that there was nothing wrong. While that is appreciated, it’s not what we needed, as parents. What we needed more was information. “Awareness” means more than just knowing it exists.
The next case of denial came from the most unlikely of sources, our family doctor. He is an extremely smart and gifted doctor and has a wealth of knowledge in many areas, we are lucky to have found him. But when we brought up the word Autism with him, he immediately dismissed it, assuring us that his quirks and delayed speech are fine.. there was still a lot of time for him to “catch up”.
Did you know that Einstein didn’t talk until he was four? Did you know that he didn’t form complete sentences until he was nine? And he was fine! He was brilliant.
Perhaps, but I’d venture a guess that if Einstein were a child today, he’d be diagnosed with Autism. And the thing with Autism is, no two children are the same. maybe he beat the odds and went on to become a brilliant man, but obviously that isn’t true for everyone. Telling me that Einstein was a delayed speaker does not put my mind at ease when I look at my son at the age of 2.5 who is still unable speak.
Eventually we got into workshops, got speech therapy for Cameron, learned all new ways to teach him, diet tips and more and by the time Cameron was 3, he had a pretty full vocabulary. He’s approaching 5 at the time of this writing and he can speak as well as any other 5 year old.
The reason I mention this is that we’re still facing denial from family and friends who now approach us saying “he is so smart, he seems to be a perfectly normal child… are you sure he ever really did have Autism?”
It hurts a little, to have people dismiss 2 years of very hard work that we’ve done… saying that he must have been perfectly fine all along. But it’s also very flattering and a wonderful compliment as well. After all, what could be better than for people to think an Autistic child is not Autistic??
Those who are close enough to us to spend a decent amount of time with Cameron know the truth. They see it. They realize the extent of what Autism can do when a child is at their worst.
All I can say is, if you suspect Autism, or you know someone who suspects it in their child… don’t deny it. Don’t be supportive by comparing their child to Einstein. Instead, help them get the information they need to find out for sure. Maybe, with your help, they’ll get their child all the help they need that in 2 years others will ask them “are you sure they ever really were Autistic?”
Tags: denial ,einstein ,family ,supportive
Comments (4)
RM says:
2010-11-23 03:46:59
This happened to me very much last summer when we finally received our older son’s autism diagnosis. The hardest part was my spouse being in denial, until he took my son out and hard to actually deal with the meltdowns, started seeing the obsessive compulsive behaviors, etc, for himself. With time, he too came to accept that our son had special needs, and actually started researching and talking to doctors and people who knew about the diagnosis or had a family member w/ autism. he is now my greatest support in dealing w/ my son.
His family’s denial was hard to deal with too. They preferred the old school notion that the mother was to blame (aka refrigerator mother theory). It hurt but I chose not to care. I had to help my son, not care about what others thought of me. But with time they came around and accepted the GFCF diet we put him on when they saw how much it helped him.
Bottom line, do what is best for your child, and others will see the truth, in time. They will come around and accept reality, and maybe even be willing to help.
I still have my own denial on some days. He has Aspergers, so sometimes I forget about it, and expect him to be able to do what his neurotypical peers can, like handle sudden changes, karate class, etc.
I have enjoyed reading your blog and wish you and your son the best. Blogs like yours do great things in spreading awareness.
Catnip Cat says:
2010-12-04 03:00:58
i have a brother that is autistic and we love him so much and gave all of our support on him *~:
A.C. says:
2011-07-27 06:47:59
I am dealing with the EXACT same thing… the exact same “einstein didn’t talk until age four” from family. My husband and I are the most alone since we have had our twin boys (who are now 2 and about to be evaluated) and yet would love to have support from others, not just the strangers (therapists) we just started to get to know – who are amazing people. Now we are playing the “everything is fine” card so that we don’t have more issues of dealing with others telling us we are crazy or shouldn’t worry. None of our families live in the same state and only spend an average of 3 times a year around them, yet we are the ones who are seeing it wrong and “helping us feel there is nothing wrong” is the loneliest form of support out there for anyone going through anything – I am living it now. Like you mentioned it is coming from a good place – just not the right thing to do. I have always known something “off” but not enough that others noticed it or wanted to. Until I put them in Early Intervention (first steps program) at age 18 months (thanks to a friend who had a son needing speech therapy) and now their doctor sees some quirky things that she gave the green light to get them tested with her referral. She and the therapists still are unsure if they have it (leaning more towards sensory integration disorder) but want to get in early to help if that is the case. Thank you so much for your above write-up and the blog – I will be bookmarking this page. I know it was done a while ago but I just could not relate to anyone until I saw what you wrote – dead on in every single way.I just couldn’t have said it better myself. If I take anything away from this experience, it is a open mind and heart. Thank you and best wishes/blessings to your whole family and little Cameron!
For Fathers Facing Autism | Digital Scribbler says:
2011-08-31 12:22:24
[...] Autism Denial – a post by Stuart Duncan (follow on twitter @autismfather) [...]
Leave a reply