He’s my son

One of my two year old twins, Logan, has autism, SPD, very significant food allergies, and seizures. The twin brother, Colton, does not. It has been interesting to me, in the nine months since Logan’s diagnosis, the various things people have said in response to that. A neighbor come into my home once and told me, “Oh, what a shame that Logan is that way. But what a comfort it must be that you were able to have one twin that’s not got problems. At least you have Colton and the other kids.” At the time, I was so angry, I invited this neighbor to leave and never come back. But that incident provoked a whole thought process in my brain which turned out to be a good thing!

Yes, Logan has autism. Logan has sensory issues. Logan has food allergies that are so significant that they can ( and have) cause anaphylactic shock. He is the only two year old I know that has a twinject prescription that has unlimited refills. But even with all that, more importantly, he is my son.

I do not love Logan any less than I love Colton or my five other children simply because he has autism and other issues. I do not love Colton more because he does NOT have learning delays, or allergies. While I do have to do things differently for Logan because of his special needs, it does not change the fact that he’s my son.

When I write about Logan on our blog, or introduce him to someone, I do not say, “ This is Logan, he has autism.”. I say, “This is my son, Logan.” You see, that thought process which my neighbor provoked, inspired me to search within myself and come to some carved in stone realizations.

Autism does not define my son. Autism is not the sum of his existence. What autism has done for our family, however, is taught us to sit back and enjoy the little things. Milestones that my other children hurdled as a matter of course, are now something we celebrate. Not because Logan has autism, but because Logan has mastered something new after days, weeks, sometimes months of practice and struggle, without every giving up. We have learned that a victory is a victory, no matter where you are in life.
Logan is not “that way”. Logan is Logan, and that’s all he will ever be. Just as I am me, and you are you. It’s as simple as that. Yes, Logan has therapy to help him. So what? I have spell check to help me, because I have fingers that like to type before I finish a thought. Both therapy and spell check are tools. Everyone has different ones, for different reasons, and it makes you no less of a person, by using them.
Loving your child is all encompassing. Whether the child walks or talks or grows up to be President of the United States, he/she will ALWAYS be your child, and you will always be your child’s parent.

Now, when someone “consoles” me because I have Logan, I simply say, “Why are you consoling me? Logan is a gift. He’s my son.”

About ihave7monsters

Caryn is the Momma to 7 children ages 2-16. Family is my everything, which is why it is so important to me to continue to research and learn to apply diet and therapy for Logan to continue progressing. It is my wish to bring my family closer together through working, playing, laughing, and living together.

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8 Responses to He’s my son

  1. Elizabeth November 29, 2010 at 11:01 am #

    I love this article! I have a set of identical twins that are Down Syndrome-one is also Autistic-I have actually told people that I feel sorry for them that they don’t ge to share in our experience! Thanks for sharing your heart!

  2. Caryn November 29, 2010 at 11:36 am #

    Elizabeth, I feel the same. Sometimes I think life gets in the way, and it takes a gift like Logan or your sweet twins, to make us sit down, shut up, and appreciate the small stuff. Your comment made me smile, because I knew exactly what you meant. Thank YOU for the comment! ( sorry, Stuart, for hijacking your comment thread.)

  3. Big Daddy November 29, 2010 at 2:48 pm #

    Oooh. It steams me when someone consoles me for Griffin.

    I would, however, console you for having 7 kids. What were you thnking? ;)

  4. Marianna November 29, 2010 at 4:09 pm #

    Ooooh, “I’m sorry” and “How tragic” are two of my pet peeves. I’m not sorry and Xander is definitely not a tragedy.

    The sad thing is there are those who live as martyrs and use their children’s autism for sypathy. I’d much rather get sympathy for Spencer(NT). His obnoxiousness knows no bounds.

  5. jillsmo November 29, 2010 at 10:36 pm #

    Very well said!! :)

  6. Bernadette November 29, 2010 at 10:41 pm #

    My sons name is logan too, i feel the same way. Each day we have together is so wonderful than the last- its amazing how much he has tought me. Well said!

  7. Christina November 29, 2010 at 11:51 pm #

    I love this! Thanks so much for sharing; I especially appreciate your statement about how we all need different tools. I have two boys on the autism spectrum and one NT (Marianna, I can totally relate!); they are each wonderful, special kids with unique, special needs. Thank you for reminding us of that important fact. (And I’m amazed at anyone who has 7 kids. WOW!)

  8. Marjorie December 5, 2010 at 12:21 am #

    This is a fabulous article! You really bring to light what it is to be a parent. Thank you.

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