Tag Archives | choices

Making the best of it

By on November 23, 2012 in Autism, Parenting

For a long time in my life, I was very depressed. I wasn’t going anywhere, doing anything, I had no goals and worst of all, I felt that my life simply had no chance of ever getting better than what it was at the time.

Then I got married.

Strange huh? To go from depressed to married. Well, there was a lot that happened in between but those stories aren’t what’s important right now.

What is important is the vow I made. You know, the vows we all make through marriage… “good times and in bad, in sickness and in health”… I took those vows seriously. More so than that, I paraphrased them and made them my own new life motto: “Make the best of it.”

When my son was diagnosed with autism, I made the best of it. When my wife was pregnant with our second child and had to spend 6 months of it on bed rest, I made the best of it. When my wife was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and could barely get off the couch, I made the best of it.

People told me I would crack, have a nervous breakdown or worse, leave… I didn’t. When people asked how I handle the stress, I told them that I just take one day at a time and I, of course, make the best of it.

Now those days are behind me and my wife is gone. Our children are being split between us 50/50 where I get them for one week and she gets them for one week.

I’ve been with my kids almost every day since their birth and even more so in the last 5 months. With their mother working extra hard, my boys and I were glued together (other than school) every single day.

And after 5 months of that, they’re gone for the week. And this house feels ever so quiet now. No wife. No kids. Not even the dog.

So what do I do?

shrimp

Shrimp = Great snack food!

Well, I’ve been eating some foods that I haven’t had in years, due to the wife’s healthy diet, my son’s gluten free diet and our lack of budget. I’ve been watching movies I have been dying to see. I’ve been playing video games that I haven’t touched in almost a year. I’ve been reading and learning new skills in my field of expertise to better myself.

I posted some pictures on Facebook to which one person replied “you’re not supposed to be enjoying this! lol”

And I got to thinking.

She’s right. I’m not supposed to be enjoying this. What I’m supposed to do is feel alone and quiet and maybe even sad. After all, I do miss my boys tremendously right now. My wife too, but more so my boys since we were together so often for the last 5 months… just the 3 of us.

But why? Why do to that to myself just because I’m “supposed to?”

I thought back to the bed rest, the diagnosis, the struggles with money, the decisions and sacrifices we’ve made and I thought to myself… no, I’m not going to do what I’m supposed to do.

I’m going to make the best of it.

I have the house to myself, I’m going to keep myself busy in the best way I know how and when the week is up, my boys will come back to me. And again, during that short week that I get them… I’m going to make the best of it again.

happy cat

My cat – making the best of an empty house

The way I see it is, when times get hard or life throws mud in your face, you have 2 choices:
1. Do what you’re supposed to do and let it get you down.
2. Make the best of it.

It’s kind of like that whole “when life gives you lemons…” cliché, except, I’m going to make myself a steak and watch a good movie with my lemonade.

Because life is to short to do what you’re supposed to.

Instead, make the best of it.

One day you’ll look back on your life and be glad that you did.

 

Comments { 2 }

The “Which Would You Rather” Game Is a Very Dangerous Game Indeed

By on July 6, 2010 in Autism vs Vaccines

Probably the most prominent example, and the one to start it all off, is Jenny McCarthy’s interview where she says (and I paraphrase as best I can) “Would I rather my son have measles instead of Autism? yes, in a heart beat”.

Granted, measles doesn’t sound so bad so I’d have to agree with her, I think I’d rather my boy be sick for a while, help him get through it for a little while and then go on with his life, instead of having Autism for life.

However, that’s just one of many diseases and viruses that are held back by vaccines…  mumps and rubella aren’t really all that bad either, can be fatal but very rarely. Chances are my boy would just be sick for a while.

What gets me though, is that, in the interview, no one asks her if she’d rather have her child be disfigured or paralysed from polio, no one ever asks her if she’d rather kill someone else’s baby with whooping cough than risk her child having Autism.

Sounds a little harsh, but if you look to California, it’s happening! An outbreak of pertussis (whooping cough) is happening right now, today, and it’s killing babies. Why?

Here’s the thing, some parents are convinced, absolutely and completely, that vaccines are causing Autism in children, and therefore are not taking the risk.

Let’s take a look at that risk for a moment, because I think this is where the system breaks down.

If a parent does not vaccinate their child, that child can contract a preventable illness such as whooping cough, and then come into contact with a baby sibling or some other baby, pass along the illness before that baby even has a chance at getting their vaccination and that child could die.

Meanwhile, there’s no guarantee that their child won’t already have Autism despite not being vaccinated! Recently a woman commented on another of my posts about how one mother did not vaccinate, another did, both of their children are Autistic.

This isn’t a debate about whether or not vaccines do cause Autism, it’s about the risk. Taking a risk, avoiding a risk, choosing which risk to take.

Let me put it this way, if you “don’t take the chance” by not vaccinating your child, and he/she turns out to be Autistic anyway AND comes home to infect your newborn baby and that baby dies… not only did you not avoid the risk, you took the ultimate risk and lost both times!

Some of you die hards will say that would never happen but, it can happen. We are seeing it right now. Unvaccinated children are Autistic. Unvaccinated children are dying from preventable diseases!!

The “Which Would You Rather” game is not a game, it’s very…. VERY dangerous.

I understand how watching your child be ‘vaccine injured’ can set you on a path, set you on a mission… however, I can also see how a much bigger tragedy can come of it if not careful. If your child regressing into Autism affected you this much, how much would it affect you if your child got Autism and a baby died at the same time, all because you didn’t vaccinate.

Would you still feel the same? Would your mission be different?

Comments { 5 }